I went in feeling nauseated and beaten down....but left feeling hopeful and somewhat....elated.
As hopeful and elated as a mother can be who has just been told that her precious little 2-year-old has a brain tumor.
I was impressed with the staff at Children's who took the time to actually sit in the room with us and clearly explain what was going on and discuss all of our options. We met with two doctors today, one of them being the neurosurgeon who performs these surgeries routinely.
The bottom line is that yes, Annie DOES have a tumor. They showed us two MRI pictures where a round white marble-looking thing was clearly visible in her cerebellum.
We discussed all the options, which would be either performing surgery now to remove the tumor, or doing the watch-and-wait where we have MRI's every few months and operate when the tumor grows or changes somehow.
And the neurosurgeon assured us the tumor WOULD DEFINITELY grow, since little Annie is still not even three years old and growing herself.
So really, its just a matter of time between when we decide that we SHOULD remove the tumor, and we HAVE TO remove the tumor.
Hubby and I elected to come home and think about and pray about our options.
"Brain Tumor" and "Brain Surgery" are never good news, by any means, and when you hear those particular words you tend to think Worst Case Scenario.
However, the positives are:
* The tumor appears to be contained and to not have any legs or tentacles.
* The tumor is 13 millimeters. It seems that most of the time, when you hear of someone having a brain tumor, its the size of a lemon or a softball. I guess prior to it getting that size, it really may not cause enough symptoms to warrant an MRI. So that in itself is miraculous, that we caught it at this stage. However, 13mm is not tiny by any means.
* She does NOT appear to have any metastis or infection in the brain.
* Her brain otherwise appears completely normal.
* Annie is otherwise in perfect health.
* The hospital is the best with the best doctors.
But please believe me when I say my hope is not in the hospitals and the doctors.
And I'll tell you why.
Remember last week, when I told you about Annie's falling down episode and trip to the emergency room?
That episode was TOTALLY UNRELATED to this brain tumor.
Totally, completely unrelated....both doctors assured us of that.
And yet that falling down episode was the very reason why we ended up in the ER in the first place, had an MRI, and were diagnosed with a brain tumor.
So had she not fallen down in a weird way.....we still wouldn't know the tumor was there, possibly for years, possibly until too late....
And so the whole falling-down episode....that was a little miracle from God.
That's where the elated feeling comes in.
Because God showed me HE is in control, through that one little miracle.
And I know that any God who is good enough and cares for us enough to give us that one little miracle is just God enough to heal our Annie.
And in that is where my hope lies.