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Curses, Attitudes, and School Supplies

June 6, 2019 By Melissa Beene Ford Leave a Comment

Originally posted August 2016

School supply shopping day is one of my favorite days all year long.

Except when it isn’t.

See, up until now, my girls have been at this sweet age where EVERYTHING IS SWEETNESS AND LIGHT, they love their mama, they’re grateful for whatever school supplies I choose for them with, you know, puppies and kittens, we buy all the cute, fun things then go eat Mexican food, laugh, and snuggle. It’s been our annual tradition forever.


They say that having a teenager changes things.

I didn’t believe them, because a) I’m a better parent than most, I secretly thought, all self-righteous and proud, and b) my daughter and I are just CLOSE, and we always have been, and we won’t have any of those teenage shenanigans that other, lesser parents struggle with. The teenage years will just be a breeze for US, I thought, right up until some point in roughly 2014-ish when I started having homicidal thoughts toward my offspring on account of the eye-rolling.

But in addition to the lovely teenager moments I’m enduring, I ALSO HAVE  A THREE-YEAR-OLD. A lively, rambunctious little thing who wasn’t going to WANT to sit still in the buggy while the other three of us pick out all the super fun school supplies on their lists.

I foresaw the chaos and turmoil to come in the school supply aisle, what with a rambunctious three-year-old and all, and I had the wisdom and maturity to preempt it with a little bribery.

“Susie,” I said, with all the excitement in my voice, “If YOU can sit really, really quietly in the buggy, and you’re really, really patient while WE shop, then YOU CAN PICK SOME SCHOOL SUPPLIES!!!!! I’ll let you pick ONE notebook and some PAINT!!!! But ONLY IF you’re QUIET and PATIENT!!!!”

IMG_5456.CR2
Susie, the girl who will behave for school supplies. Sort of.

Oh, I talked it up. And Susie agreed to the terms, because NEW SCHOOL SUPPLIES, y’all. And I brought an iPad to distract her, and I hooked that sucker up to the free wifi, and rolled on into the school supply section, super confident that THIS WOULD BE A PIECE OF CAKE…

…but apparently it was all just TOO MUCH for Susie.

Because pencils and markers everywhere. Folders with NEMO and ELSA and ANNA AND ALL HER FAVORITE DISNEY FRIENDS, y’all. So many bright, fun things as far as the eye could see, and she, apparently, INSTANTLY regretted selling her soul by agreeing to JUST SIT HERE IN THIS GOD-FORSAKEN BUGGY, ALL QUIETLY AND PATIENTLY.

And she was so overcome that she couldn’t contain the words that came out of her mouth….

WELL, DAMN, DAMN, DAMN, she said.

Loudly.

Quite loudly.

Because OF COURSE if a toddler is going to use curse words for the first time ever, let’s do it right, know what I’m saying? We want EVERYONE. TO. HEAR. the big, bad, vile language that we are now big enough to use.

And the girls and I gasped and then fell over laughing hysterically, WHICH IS ALWAYS THE WRONG RESPONSE, I might add.

Because laughing hysterically pours fuel on the fire, toddlers LOVE to get a huge reaction in which multiple people are SHOCKED and laughing hysterically, and they’re just gonna do that stuff again.

And so she did, a dozen more times that day, until I finally had to threaten some consequences with my stern eyes because WE DON’T TALK THAT WAY IN THIS FAMILY.

“Well, damn, damn, damn,” she whispered.

It was my fault, really, for laughing. In my defense, my other two children never used such language, so it completely caught me off guard. They were good. This child is a little rougher around the edges… I honestly have no idea where she heard that. We don’t even have TV.

I know what you’re thinking: she must have heard that vile language from me. Well, let me assure you she did NOT. Oh, not because I’m above using some colorful language when necessary, but THAT particular one isn’t one I normally use, because if I’m angry enough to use some words, they’re going to be MUCH worse than that one, because it takes a LOT of frustration for me to go there. And never within the kids’ earshot, because I do have some manners and class, gosh.

Well, let me clarify that I have manners and class until I’m school supply shopping with a 14-year-old, and I’m not gonna lie, that almost turned into a Jerry Springer episode complete with chair-throwing and breaking out the REALLY UGLY words, the ones that are so much uglier than Susie’s relatively tame word of choice.

I barely held it together, and if you KNEW how much love, joy, peace, and patience that took, you’d be impressed. Like, it’s ONLY because I have the Holy Spirit that my 14-year-old is not killed dead and her body dumped in the dumpster behind the school supply store.

She came close to going on Home with her Heavenly Father, is what I’m trying to say.

 

IMG_5432
Katie, who is beautiful and sweet, until you try to make her buy a binder.

And the details aren’t important now, but ONE of us, I won’t say who, was reading the supplies off of the ACTUAL OFFICIAL list, and the other one, it’s not important who now, and I’d never want to embarrass anyone anyway, well, HER head was spinning around, projectile vomiting, eyes rolling around in her head, and she was shrieking and screaming about how she DIDN’T CARE IF THE LIST SAID 1 1/2″ BINDERS, THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE 2 1/2″ BINDERS, AND WHY COULDN’T I JUST TRUST HER AND STOP TREATING HER LIKE A CHILD, BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE’S DOING AND I DO NOT BECAUSE I HAVE NOT BEEN TO HIGH SCHOOL IN ONE HUNDRED YEARS.

And so it went, on down the list, each item I read off of the official list from the school being WRONG, and if I’d just LISTEN to her, we’d get the RIGHT supplies instead of the WRONG ones, because clearly I don’t have enough sense to know that when the list says 1 1/2″, they MEAN 2 1/2″.

The school supply aisle is a dangerous place to be when you’re having homicidal thoughts, and a 14-year-old is provoking you to end her then and there, so because I have Jesus in my heart, I quietly and calmly replaced those ONE AND A HALF FREAKING INCH BINDERS on the shelf, and told her quietly and calmly that we would NOT be buying her school supplies that day, and turned and wheeled my buggy to the front of the store, where I paid for my sweet, cooperative little ten-year-old’s supplies, AND SUSIE’S WELL-EARNED NEMO FOLDER AND WATERCOLORS, yay Susie, and we all loaded up into the car and left.

IMG_5436
Annie, the sweet one who never gets ugly about school supplies.

I was mad, I’m not gonna lie, and in my anger I did not curse.

But with my blood simmering, driving away from the store, I went OVERBOARD bragging on Susie:

“Susie, THANK YOU for being SO sweet, and obeying, and being cooperative, and being a JOY and a BLESSING to your whole family. THANK YOU.

“And thank YOU, Annie, for being SO sweet, and obeying, and being cooperative, and being a JOY and a BLESSING to your whole family. THANK YOU.”

And I just let the silence hang there in the air for a few moments, letting it become CLEAR that I would NOT be thanking the teenager for being a joy NOR a blessing, just, you know, letting that sink in, in silence.

And then Susie pipes up and says, “And thank YOU, Kate, for being RUDE.”

We all fell over laughing hysterically for the second time that day.

All’s well that ends well.

Fast forward half a day, after a certain teenager had texted her friends and found out that, amazingly enough, HER MOM WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE BINDERS, and she offered up a sheepish apology, and me being so full of the Holy Spirit and love, joy, peace, patience and all, forgave her quickly, and we moved on.

But we still haven’t bought her school supplies, and won’t be, until she fulfills certain obligations that she brought upon herself by her rudeness there in the school supply aisle.

And if not, I can always go buy her the school supplies with the puppies and kittens, or maybe a binder with Justin Bieber on the front… 1 1/2″ wide, of course. 

Mom always wins in the end, after all.

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Hi, I'm Melissa! Texas Girl. Single Mom. Old house fanatic. Welcome to my corner of the internet! I hope to bring you all my deep thoughts about life, Jesus, health and happiness, and decorating my little home without breaking the bank. I will try my best to make you laugh. Or cry... but only for a minute or two. We'll see how it goes. Anyhoo, thanks for being here!! Follow me on Instagram (link below) to keep up with my daily stories. And be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a post.

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To reveal the kingdom coming
And to reconcile the lost
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You did not despise the cross

For even in Your suffering
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And the morning that You rose
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Till that stone was moved for good
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And the dead rose from their tombs
And the angels stood in awe
For the souls of all who’d come
To the Father are restored

And the Church of Christ was born
Then the Spirit lit the flame
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HaPPy NeW YeaR! 🎉 Is today the day we throw out HaPPy NeW YeaR! 🎉 Is today the day we throw out the cat houses made of all the Christmas boxes and blue tape, or do we have to wait for epiphany? 🤔 Wishing you ALL the blessings of a brand new year! 👏🏻 May the Lord crown the year with bounty so that even the wagon tracks overflow with abundance. Psalm 65:11 🌱
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My top nine pics of 2020. 🤷🏼‍♀️ These My top nine pics of 2020. 🤷🏼‍♀️ These all make me happy to look at ~ I do love this little home we have ~ but none of these represent my top moments of 2020, which would be memories I made with the people I love the most. 💕 It’s been a year of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, but still, the person I am at the end of 2020 is better than who I was back in January in so many ways. Lots of lessons learned. Lots of figuring out what I want and what I don’t and who I wanna be and who I need around me. Can’t wait to see what 2021 holds but I know for sure there will be love and grace and mercy and peace. #topnine #topnine2020 #theyearinreview
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I love Saturday. 💕 Saturday’s my favorite. 😁 Projects going down today, starting with three gallons of white paint from @sherwinwilliams. What in the world should I paint first? 🤔 What’s happening at YOUR house today?
Snow in East Texas. It’s a big deal. ❄️ Snow in East Texas. It’s a big deal. ❄️
It’s a beautiful day if you’re solar powered ☀️ like me. It’s also a beautiful day for napping in the sun ☀️ if you’re like @sophiejunethedoodle. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I feel SO fortunate to get to work from home where I can sit by a window and even open it when the weather is right 👌🏻 even tho I can hear #goldendoodle snores from my home office... 🤔 Working from home has been on my #visionboard for years and it finally happened. 👏🏻What’s on YOUR vision board for 2021? 👉🏻Answer my poll in my stories! 👈🏻 #theresnoplacelikehome #workfromhomelife #iloveworkingfromhome
The whole Christmas 🎄 story, in these lyrics ri The whole Christmas 🎄 story, in these lyrics right here. I believe every word is true. After church this morning I decided these words needed to be added to my chalk wall. 👉🏻 In the darkness we were waiting
Without hope without light
Till from heaven You came running
There was mercy in Your eyes
To fulfil the law and prophets

To a virgin came the Word
From a throne of endless glory
To a cradle in the dirt

Praise the Father
Praise the Son
Praise the Spirit three in one
God of glory
Majesty
Praise forever to the King of Kings

To reveal the kingdom coming
And to reconcile the lost
To redeem the whole creation
You did not despise the cross

For even in Your suffering
You saw to the other side
Knowing this was our salvation
Jesus for our sake You died

And the morning that You rose
All of heaven held its breath
Till that stone was moved for good
For the Lamb had conquered death

And the dead rose from their tombs
And the angels stood in awe
For the souls of all who’d come
To the Father are restored

And the Church of Christ was born
Then the Spirit lit the flame
Now this gospel truth of old
Shall not kneel shall not faint

By His blood and in His Name
In His freedom I am free
For the love of Jesus Christ
Who has resurrected me
HaPPy NeW YeaR! 🎉 Is today the day we throw out HaPPy NeW YeaR! 🎉 Is today the day we throw out the cat houses made of all the Christmas boxes and blue tape, or do we have to wait for epiphany? 🤔 Wishing you ALL the blessings of a brand new year! 👏🏻 May the Lord crown the year with bounty so that even the wagon tracks overflow with abundance. Psalm 65:11 🌱
Instagram post 17875671470084040 Instagram post 17875671470084040
My top nine pics of 2020. 🤷🏼‍♀️ These My top nine pics of 2020. 🤷🏼‍♀️ These all make me happy to look at ~ I do love this little home we have ~ but none of these represent my top moments of 2020, which would be memories I made with the people I love the most. 💕 It’s been a year of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, but still, the person I am at the end of 2020 is better than who I was back in January in so many ways. Lots of lessons learned. Lots of figuring out what I want and what I don’t and who I wanna be and who I need around me. Can’t wait to see what 2021 holds but I know for sure there will be love and grace and mercy and peace. #topnine #topnine2020 #theyearinreview
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