You know, one of the biggest takeaways for me from seventeen years of enslavement in my own personal hell is that FREEDOM IS EVERYTHING.
Love is freedom, and Jesus is love, and therefore… Jesus is freedom.
Many stories in the Bible point toward how the OPPOSITE of Jesus is enslavement, literal and figurative, and every time there was enslavement, God’s goal was to release people from it. There was never a time that God’s people were enslaved that God did not send a rescue.
After being enslaved in hell for so long, I crave freedom.
I love this stage in my life where I can join a gym if I want to, or have a job, or go out with friends, or go out with friends and (gasp) DRINK ALCOHOL. I can have my own money, and do what I want to with it. Nobody is punishing me and taking away my car keys and debit card. Nobody is screaming at me if I leave my purse in the kitchen or a plate in the sink. Nobody is calling to check up on me every 30 minutes to make sure I’m where I’m supposed to be, or driving by the house to make sure I’m home.
Nobody controls me.
Oh, one of them still tries, but he does not succeed.
He needs to get a life.
Yes, I’m talking about YOU, psycho, since you and your new wife are so obsessed with me that you’re the first ones to read every blog post… hiiiiii! Thanks for driving up my blog traffic with your obsession!
Just FYI, THERE ARE WARNING SIGNS that the person you are marrying is gonna be a control freak who will STILL be obsessed with you, and stalking you, ten years post-divorce, but that’s the subject of another post. I’ll get to that.
Meanwhile, why does it seem like Christian marriages are designed to be the OPPOSITE of freedom? Enslavement is promoted, even. In an abusive marriage? I promise you, 99% of ‘Christian’ counselors will tell the wife to SUBMIT MORE. OBEY MORE. SUBMIT AND OBEY.
Oh, he hit you? Turn the other cheek. Pray more. Submit. Obey.
That kind of ‘advice’ is NEVER given in ANY other context or relationship outside of a ‘Christian’ marriage.
I’m not sure I would have valued my personal freedom had I not lived through that hell, though, to be honest.
I think I sought the security of a legalism and rigid rules and not having to think for myself.
I think being controlled by rules and religion felt safe.
I think, though, that control is progressive, and a man who isn’t much like Jesus will tend toward being controlling, and more controlling, and more controlling, until one day you realize that you’re stuck in hell with no access to money or car keys or any other way of escape from a man who walks in the door screaming at you and the kids every. single. day. for reasons you can neither predict nor prevent.
THANK GOD DIVORCE IS LEGAL IN THE USA.
That’s all I’m saying about that.
Living through that hell changed me and my priorities. I will always:
- Vote for the candidate who offers the most personal liberty. Smaller government, less taxes, less restrictions on my freedom, no forced “healthcare,” will always get my vote.
- Take the job that offers the most flexibility. I will always choose the one that lets me go on my kids’ field trips, and offers more work/life balance, even if it pays a little less.
- Be in the relationship that lets me be me. I’m pretty dang loyal. You don’t have to drive by my house or check my phone. The first clue to me is if he gets irritated if I don’t text back fast enough. Yeah, he says he’s ‘just joking,’ but that’s the beginning stages of CONTROL, and that is the fastest way for me to squeal tires. I will never again put myself in a situation where I have to alienate my family or friends, or I can’t go out with my friends because he’ll get mad, or if I work out and get fit, or succeed in my business, he’ll start feeling insecure and threatened. No thank you.
- Go to the church where I can dress how I want, drink what I want, worship how I want, and NOT be shamed into submitting to an abusive man. Enough said.
- Use my money the way I want. Save if I want, give if I want, spend if I want, invest however I want, because I WORK and I can do with my money whatever the heck I want to. I will always be free to tithe and avoid debt and never again be plunged into financial stress because of someone else’s poor choices.
- Live with less so I can be tied down to less. Marie Kondo is my hero, and minimalism is the goal.
Freedom is everything. Everything. Everything.
And every decision I make is the one that brings me closer to freedom.