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Twenty Really, Really Dumb Reasons to Get Married

June 5, 2019 By Melissa Beene Ford Leave a Comment

I should go ahead and tell you that I MIGHT come up with more than twenty (or maybe less than twenty) reasons. I wrote ‘twenty’ because I feel like it’s a good starting point AND a good round number for a blog title, so per my new-found mission to just WRITE now and edit never, I chose ‘twenty’ for the title of this blog post, and I’m stickin’ to it.

But it may or may not be exactly twenty because I’m writing with no outline, no plan. Just flying by the seat of my pants, man.

Welcome to my ENFP, Enneagram Type 7, Middle Child, Aquarius world. There are no plans. There are no outlines. We fly by the seat of our pants.

“Well, THAT was a dumb reason to get married.”

-ME

I beat myself up over that think that at LEAST once a day.

Me, to myself: WHYYYYYY LORD JESUS DID I MARRY HIM?! Oh yeah, it was because {insert really, really dumb reason here}.

It occurred to me, after thinking this thought once a day for several years now, that THIS IS A BLOG SERIES IN THE MAKING. I mean, *I made the dumb mistakes, so you can learn from my wisdom and not make these mistakes yourself, right? You’re welcome. So let’s just kick off this whole blog series with the first of {maybe} twenty {or more, or less} really, really dumb reasons to get married:

REALLY, REALLY DUMB REASON #1: BECAUSE HE’S SAFE.

Once upon a time, there was this sweet, wholesome college girl (let’s call her ‘Sandy’). She met this devastatingly gorgeous, strikingly handsome, muscular Adonnis of a college boy (let’s call him ‘Danny,’) and they began to date.

They were a beautiful couple {especially HIM… Lord have mercy}, and were called ‘Ken and Barbie’ everywhere they went. Mostly because of him. She was tall, fit, and blonde, but did I mention he was really, really handsome? And muscular? 

Yes, Danny was quite a specimen.

He was her first ‘real’ boyfriend. She had had a few dates in high school, but not too many ‘relationships’ spanned more than a week or two; I mean, she was pretty, but super picky and somewhat shy and really, really down with that church youth group scene, so she didn’t date much in high school, but then there was Danny, who ended up sticking around for a couple of years.

The girl was innocent and wholesome; the boy was most certainly NOT, being the handsome, popular football player type in high school. Sandy wanted to wait until she got married, and Danny said he was cool with that. The girls paid lots of attention to Danny, on account of how he was so devastatingly handsome and muscular, but he swore he loved Sandy and wanted to marry her and didn’t notice any of those other girls.

She wanted to believe him.

But, the stories kept coming back to her… ‘Tara’ had been at his house one night last week, she heard. ‘Tara’ told her friends some stuff happened. Then there was ‘Jennifer.’ ‘Jennifer’ told her friends Danny had asked her for her phone number. And Jennifer’s and Tara’s friends told Sandy, of course.

On an unrelated note, to this day, if you Google Danny’s name, you can find oiled up, tanned up, shaved chest, body building pictures of him in a Speedo, on the internet. So I hear. I’ve never actually looked, obviously. I mean, who would want to see that. But I digress. 

You know, that female intuition is a powerful thing, man. And in her heart of hearts, Sandy knew the rumors about Danny were true. EVERYONE swore the rumors about Danny were true. There was just too much evidence.

She broke up with him.

And she didn’t let anyone else in for years to come. Oh, she dated ~ a lot ~ but barely went out with anyone more than once, and if they went on a second date, there wasn’t a third. She made it her mission to date errbody once, but NOBODY three times.

That’s just the way you roll when your heart has been broken. She couldn’t bring herself to care enough to cry over anyone.

All because of Danny.

Fast forward a few years to the scene of Sandy’s first ‘real’ job post-college. There was a rep there, and her coworkers INSISTED Sandy meet him. ‘He comes every year,’ they said, ‘and he is SO NICE.’

‘But I’m not attracted to him,’ Sandy answered. ‘Like, AT ALL. HE IS NOT ATTRACTIVE.’

‘You’re just shallow and immature,’ they scoffed, ‘and only date handsome men. You could do A LOT WORSE than Walter (*let’s just call him Walter, on account of the Charlie Robison song).‘

But Sandy, feeling insecure about her novice, fresh-college-grad status, youngest one on the team with the face of a teenager and all, and determined to prove to her coworkers that she was, in fact, MATURE, caved and went on a date with Walter.

And she realized her coworkers were right.

She could do ‘a lot worse.’ He had a job and went to church. He had never had his nose broken in a barroom fight. Never been cussed by a country judge because of one crazy night.

There was that.

He was tame boring uninteresting dull he was nice. Nice, Dangit.

And you know what? He wouldn’t cheat, because women would never find him attractive.

And you know what? He would never make her laugh, but he would never make her cry.

And Sandy decided not crying, and never worrying about losing an attractive husband to other women, was important, and she found herself saying “I do” to Walter, even though her stomach was in knots all the way through her wedding day, and she woke up nauseated the day after the wedding, wondering WHAT SHE HAD DONE.

She had traded her soul for ‘safety.’

If you learn anything at all from Sandy and Charlie Robison, DON’T MARRY WALTER.

You have NO idea the depths of hell into which you can descend when you’re shackled TIL DEATH DO YOU PART, to Walter. He may appear ‘nice’ today, but that MAY be an act, and that mask MAY drop after the wedding, and he MAY call you ‘fat ass’ while you’re pregnant, for God’s sake, and he MAY throw your kids’ toys in the trash BECAUSE HE IS NOT NICE, and he MAY still be texting you 60 times in one day NINE YEARS AFTER YOUR DIVORCE IS FINAL to tell you that you’re a fat loser.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Whew, I almost had a PTSD flashback there for a second…

If your MAIN REASON FOR MARRYING SOMEONE is any degree of ‘safety,’ SAFETY IS AN ILLUSION, and that’s a really, really dumb reason to get married.

I would LOVE to hear your really, really dumb reasons to get married! Please tell me your reasons in the comments!

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Hi, I'm Melissa! Texas Girl. Single Mom. Old house fanatic. Welcome to my corner of the internet! I hope to bring you all my deep thoughts about life, Jesus, health and happiness, and decorating my little home without breaking the bank. I will try my best to make you laugh. Or cry... but only for a minute or two. We'll see how it goes. Anyhoo, thanks for being here!! Follow me on Instagram (link below) to keep up with my daily stories. And be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a post.

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I love Saturday. 💕 Saturday’s my favorite. 😁 Projects going down today, starting with three gallons of white paint from @sherwinwilliams. What in the world should I paint first? 🤔 What’s happening at YOUR house today?
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Without hope without light
Till from heaven You came running
There was mercy in Your eyes
To fulfil the law and prophets

To a virgin came the Word
From a throne of endless glory
To a cradle in the dirt

Praise the Father
Praise the Son
Praise the Spirit three in one
God of glory
Majesty
Praise forever to the King of Kings

To reveal the kingdom coming
And to reconcile the lost
To redeem the whole creation
You did not despise the cross

For even in Your suffering
You saw to the other side
Knowing this was our salvation
Jesus for our sake You died

And the morning that You rose
All of heaven held its breath
Till that stone was moved for good
For the Lamb had conquered death

And the dead rose from their tombs
And the angels stood in awe
For the souls of all who’d come
To the Father are restored

And the Church of Christ was born
Then the Spirit lit the flame
Now this gospel truth of old
Shall not kneel shall not faint

By His blood and in His Name
In His freedom I am free
For the love of Jesus Christ
Who has resurrected me
HaPPy NeW YeaR! 🎉 Is today the day we throw out HaPPy NeW YeaR! 🎉 Is today the day we throw out the cat houses made of all the Christmas boxes and blue tape, or do we have to wait for epiphany? 🤔 Wishing you ALL the blessings of a brand new year! 👏🏻 May the Lord crown the year with bounty so that even the wagon tracks overflow with abundance. Psalm 65:11 🌱
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I love Saturday. 💕 Saturday’s my favorite. 😁 Projects going down today, starting with three gallons of white paint from @sherwinwilliams. What in the world should I paint first? 🤔 What’s happening at YOUR house today?
Snow in East Texas. It’s a big deal. ❄️ Snow in East Texas. It’s a big deal. ❄️
It’s a beautiful day if you’re solar powered ☀️ like me. It’s also a beautiful day for napping in the sun ☀️ if you’re like @sophiejunethedoodle. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I feel SO fortunate to get to work from home where I can sit by a window and even open it when the weather is right 👌🏻 even tho I can hear #goldendoodle snores from my home office... 🤔 Working from home has been on my #visionboard for years and it finally happened. 👏🏻What’s on YOUR vision board for 2021? 👉🏻Answer my poll in my stories! 👈🏻 #theresnoplacelikehome #workfromhomelife #iloveworkingfromhome
The whole Christmas 🎄 story, in these lyrics ri The whole Christmas 🎄 story, in these lyrics right here. I believe every word is true. After church this morning I decided these words needed to be added to my chalk wall. 👉🏻 In the darkness we were waiting
Without hope without light
Till from heaven You came running
There was mercy in Your eyes
To fulfil the law and prophets

To a virgin came the Word
From a throne of endless glory
To a cradle in the dirt

Praise the Father
Praise the Son
Praise the Spirit three in one
God of glory
Majesty
Praise forever to the King of Kings

To reveal the kingdom coming
And to reconcile the lost
To redeem the whole creation
You did not despise the cross

For even in Your suffering
You saw to the other side
Knowing this was our salvation
Jesus for our sake You died

And the morning that You rose
All of heaven held its breath
Till that stone was moved for good
For the Lamb had conquered death

And the dead rose from their tombs
And the angels stood in awe
For the souls of all who’d come
To the Father are restored

And the Church of Christ was born
Then the Spirit lit the flame
Now this gospel truth of old
Shall not kneel shall not faint

By His blood and in His Name
In His freedom I am free
For the love of Jesus Christ
Who has resurrected me
HaPPy NeW YeaR! 🎉 Is today the day we throw out HaPPy NeW YeaR! 🎉 Is today the day we throw out the cat houses made of all the Christmas boxes and blue tape, or do we have to wait for epiphany? 🤔 Wishing you ALL the blessings of a brand new year! 👏🏻 May the Lord crown the year with bounty so that even the wagon tracks overflow with abundance. Psalm 65:11 🌱
Instagram post 17875671470084040 Instagram post 17875671470084040
My top nine pics of 2020. 🤷🏼‍♀️ These My top nine pics of 2020. 🤷🏼‍♀️ These all make me happy to look at ~ I do love this little home we have ~ but none of these represent my top moments of 2020, which would be memories I made with the people I love the most. 💕 It’s been a year of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, but still, the person I am at the end of 2020 is better than who I was back in January in so many ways. Lots of lessons learned. Lots of figuring out what I want and what I don’t and who I wanna be and who I need around me. Can’t wait to see what 2021 holds but I know for sure there will be love and grace and mercy and peace. #topnine #topnine2020 #theyearinreview
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