A Ghostly Tapping and the Moment I Realized I’m an Old Lady.

I’m gonna go ahead and blame my friend Jeane of Coffee Cottage fame for this latest revelation. She posted something on Facebook about getting old slowly, something along the lines of wishing for a cute robe that zips, and accepting a Bingo invitation on a Saturday night… sheesh. It’s been a few days and I can’t remember exactly.

But I do remember that it struck me, reading her status, that there’s not a thing in the world wrong with zippered robes and Bingo. Heck, those sound pretty dang great to me… 

It’s tough to admit this, but… just within the last week I’ve realized reluctantly that I’m right there with her. Two weeks or so away from turning 40, and I’ve just started noticing that with my contact lenses in my eyes, I can’t focus so well on things close to me. Oh, sure, my eye doctor has been talking ‘bifocals’ for a while now, but he’s just joking.He really is just joking. HE IS, OK? Shut up! But still… my eyes. They ain’t what they used to be.

Also: wearing shoes for comfort and not style. I’m not sure when that happened, but it did. My heels are gathering dust in my closet as we speak; on my feet now, some really cute flats. Or are they cute?! I can’t even tell anymore. 

And then this weekend, my girls weren’t home but their alarm clocks went off at 6:30am because they were set on ‘getting ready for school’ time. I stumbled back to their rooms and fumbled around {blindly, you know, without my contacts} and couldn’t figure out how to turn them off. Too many buttons. Too many symbols on those buttons. WHATTHEHECK! What happened to the alarm clocks of my day with one simple on/off button? It was all so overwhelming.

So I yanked the plugs from the wall and went back to bed.

And then I had a sickening flashback to the times I’d scoff at my parents when they had difficulties programming the VCR or setting the radio stations on the car stereo, and how with an eye-roll and an arrogant laugh I’d do it for them and KNOW it would NEVER be ME being that ignorant.

AND YET HERE I AM.
Heavens no, I couldn’t set a VCR if my life depended on it! I don’t need to, do I? Do the young folks still use VCRs?

But the most telling moment of all came when I was out running errands today. I had met a friend for lunch and was on my way to Ulta when… I heard it.

Oh my gosh. There I was, driving along, and almost wigged smooth out when something began tapping on the side of my car.

Tap tap tappity tap.

I slowed down, the tapping stopped. I turned the radio off. Nothing. I’m concentrating. Listening hard. Nothing.

I started up again and the ghostly tapping started up again.

My heart began to race as I wondered WHO was KNOCKING on the SIDE OF MY CAR?! It was terrifying. I couldn’t see anyone. Had I run over someone?!

Tap tap tappity tap.

I jerked my head around in all directions, my eyes darting, my heart racing faster and faster as the tapping continued, wondering WHAT THIS GHOSTLY PRESENCE WAS AND WHAT IT WANTED FROM ME!! SOMETHING is trying to WARN me of DANGER and I CAN’T SEE WHAT IT IS!!!

And then I realized that the belt of my coat was hanging out. I had closed my car door on the belt of my coat.

And THAT, my friends, is when it hit me: I’m an old lady. An old, old lady with her belt flapping against the side of her big white Cadillac.

So, Jeane, when do you want to go play Bingo? I’m IN {as long as they have large-print Bingo cards; my eyes, you know}. Maybe we’ll have dinner at Luby’s at 4:30 before we go…