Dear (Fictional) Mrs. Needlenose,
If you were real and not fictional, you would have been sitting there, front and center in your pew at your big Baptist church this morning, with no way of knowing that miles away at another big Baptist church, Pastor David Dykes was telling your (fictional) story to his congregation.
If you were real and not fictional, when you heard that Pastor David mentioned you in his sermon, your mind would run proudly to all of your finest righteous, religious acts: like that time you voiced your opposition when the church wanted to deviate from the Baptist hymnal. Or maybe the time you berated someone sternly for wearing flip-flops into the sanctuary. Or maybe you’re extra proud of how you’ve spent your decades perfecting your disappointment in your backslidden family members.
Yes, Mrs. Needlenose. You’ve provided us with the perfect example of how NOT to live the Christian life.
But… I’m not judging you. That’s something you would do. If, of course, you were real and not strictly fictional.