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Dirt.

Melissa Beene Ford/ Deep Thoughts


It stinks having a hyper-sensitive conscience sometimes. I can’t get away with anything.

Not that I’ve done anything VERY bad, mind you.

Well, I mean, I haven’t killed anyone. Robbed any banks. Or even brought home any Sharpies or post-its from the office, EVER (and I do love Sharpies and post-its more than life itself). I don’t lie, and I’ve never even, not once, smoked pot, which apparently is the new chewing gum.

I’m squeaky clean… except there is that one thing…ok, maybe two things.

Just kidding. Sort of.

But seriously. I’m far, far, laughably far from sinless perfection, ok? I screw up a LOT — I mean, a LOT — And that keeps me up some nights, which is when God likes to meet me on the corner of my couch and we talk all that out and sometimes He shows me a verse or two that just …TELLS IT LIKE IT IS.

Last night, it was Psalms 103…. and, oh man, this chapter just made me want to cry, because its about how God

forgives our sins, EVERY ONE.
heals my diseases, EVERY ONE.
saves my life.
crowns me with love and mercy.
makes me always young in His presence.
makes everything come out right.
puts victims back on their feet.
slow to anger, rich in love, doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve, never pays us back in full for our wrongs.
loves us like a like a momma loves her baby.

But it was verse 14 that was the kicker, and I’m paraphrasing…

God knows us inside and out, and He keeps in mind that we’re just made out of dirt.

So… that whole chapter about how great God’s affection is for us, how our sins aren’t a total deal-breaker to God… its because He KNOWS who we are. He carefully, lovingly formed us… out of dirt.

Something about that was so freeing to me. Its all gonna be ok between God and me. He never expected me to be the Valedictorian of All Things Spiritual. Never. He never expected me to win the Nobel Peace Prize in Doing Everything Just Right. Never.

He doesn’t freak out over our sins. He’s not shocked and horrified. He won’t hold our feet to the fire. He never expected us to do 100% of everything just like Jesus would do. We can’t.

We were only ever dirt to begin with.

Thank you, God, for seeing who I am, and for setting me free from it.

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Comments

  1. Jennifer says

    November 4, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    that's great! thanks for sharing!!

    Reply
  2. reba says

    November 5, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    Whew, thanks for the encouragement this morning. I predict that some day you will be a successful writer. Even if you just put all your blogs from the Big Blue House in a book, it would sell. Love you.<br /><br />

    Reply

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About Me


Hey there... I'm Melissa! Texas girl. Mom to three + one goldendoodle. Believer. Old house fanatic. Creating a happy + healthy home with purpose is my passion. I'm so glad you're here!

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I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 years of paint off of this door down to the wood and start over… but that person has no business starting new projects. 😅 My neighbors must have thought this project would never end. *I* thought this project would never end. 😰 If you’re thinking of doing this yourself? Just don’t, ok? Throw the whole door away and buy a new one. 😂🤣 Just kidding.  Old house weirdos like me… we can’t just do things the easy way. Anyhoo… after some trial and error, @sherwinwilliams Celestial is what I landed on, and I have to say… I like it. Periwinkle-ish blue looks great with the yellow house and will look even better when the azaleas are in bloom. Was it all worth it? That’s not important right now. 🤭 Will I do this all again in two years? The magic eight ball says… without a doubt. 👏🏻 I’ve already picked the next color. #gluttonforpunishment #somefoolsneverlearn #oldhouselove #oldhomelove #makinghome #southernliving #gardenandgun #azaleadistrict #tylertx
Spring in the Azalea District makes the winters in Spring in the Azalea District makes the winters in an 80-year-old house completely worth it … what broken pipes, icy hardwood floors and drafty windows? 🤔 I forgot already. #comeonspring #azaleadistrict #tylertx
Happy Saturday ☀️ Happy Saturday ☀️
Salt Lake City is always magical ✨ Salt Lake City is always magical ✨
2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrollin 2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrolling through my pics from the last twelve months made me realize how blessed and content I am. Prosperity, love, and peace have been ours in abundance, in spite of the pain of losing my dad. The second picture is the last picture of him… the last time I saw him. 💔 But God has been good to my family this year and 2022 is ending far better than it began. 😄 #2022inreview #thanksforthememories
Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍ Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍♀️
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That’s it. That’s the tour. (Slide two). 
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It’s a new trend I’m starting: bare Christmas tree. Lowe’s tag still attached (so quirky and unexpected)! Christmas ornaments still in boxes. Coming soon to an Anthropologie window display near you. 
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Every year I think, “next year I’ll do better. Next year I’ll have it together.” And then, here we are on the SIXTH Christmas that we’ve been in this house, the sixth Christmas I’ve dragged our chaotic bunch of Christmas mess out of a chaotic garage I still haven’t unpacked from our move six years ago. 
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Maybe this year is the year I’ll organize it all and put it back neatly so that by Christmas number 7, it will be smooth sailing. People will flock to my social media to see how I’ve pulled everything off SO PERFECTLY. Next year will be my year. 
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Seems every year there’s less and less bandwidth for all these things. There’s more grief and stress, less money. More demands, less grace. 
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I put this sign on the wall in my office so I could keep it in front of my eyes: Love. Joy. Peace. And all that. I am SO unlike Jesus most days. So lacking in all of these character qualities. And that’s WITH waking up most mornings and spending my first 30 minutes with God Himself. 
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How lost would I be without that? Geez. I can’t fathom. I REQUIRE being transformed by renewing my mind every single morning, and even then, responding to people and life with love, joy, peace and patience doesn’t come naturally. 
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It’s the goal, though. 
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This weary world needs that from us Believers during this season, more than ever… even more than an Anthropologie-window-display worthy Christmas home tour. 
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I’m working on both.
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