Dirt.

It stinks having a hyper-sensitive conscience sometimes. I can’t get away with anything.

Not that I’ve done anything VERY bad, mind you.

Well, I mean, I haven’t killed anyone. Robbed any banks. Or even brought home any Sharpies or post-its from the office, EVER (and I do love Sharpies and post-its more than life itself). I don’t lie, and I’ve never even, not once, smoked pot, which apparently is the new chewing gum.

I’m squeaky clean… except there is that one thing…ok, maybe two things.

Just kidding. Sort of.

But seriously. I’m far, far, laughably far from sinless perfection, ok? I screw up a LOT — I mean, a LOT — And that keeps me up some nights, which is when God likes to meet me on the corner of my couch and we talk all that out and sometimes He shows me a verse or two that just …TELLS IT LIKE IT IS.

Last night, it was Psalms 103…. and, oh man, this chapter just made me want to cry, because its about how God

forgives our sins, EVERY ONE.
heals my diseases, EVERY ONE.
saves my life.
crowns me with love and mercy.
makes me always young in His presence.
makes everything come out right.
puts victims back on their feet.
slow to anger, rich in love, doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve, never pays us back in full for our wrongs.
loves us like a like a momma loves her baby.

But it was verse 14 that was the kicker, and I’m paraphrasing…

God knows us inside and out, and He keeps in mind that we’re just made out of dirt.

So… that whole chapter about how great God’s affection is for us, how our sins aren’t a total deal-breaker to God… its because He KNOWS who we are. He carefully, lovingly formed us… out of dirt.

Something about that was so freeing to me. Its all gonna be ok between God and me. He never expected me to be the Valedictorian of All Things Spiritual. Never. He never expected me to win the Nobel Peace Prize in Doing Everything Just Right. Never.

He doesn’t freak out over our sins. He’s not shocked and horrified. He won’t hold our feet to the fire. He never expected us to do 100% of everything just like Jesus would do. We can’t.

We were only ever dirt to begin with.

Thank you, God, for seeing who I am, and for setting me free from it.