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Friends and Divorce.

Melissa Beene Ford/ Uncategorized

My social life has changed dramatically within the past year.

Getting divorced has a funny way of turning your social life upside down…. along with every other aspect of your entire world.

I know my married friends still love me, I really do, but suddenly I’m the divorced chick… the fifth wheel… the odd number… and having a random divorced chick hanging around when everyone else is a couple just makes things awkward for everyone… them AND me.

And to make matters worse, for a few months there I totally withdrew from my friends during the worst months of my life last year (which I regret). It wasn’t because they were married and I wasn’t, by any means; its just that for a while there the world had been jerked out from under me and I wasn’t sure who I was, much less who my friends were.

I hid in the closet and curled up in the fetal position and sucked my thumb, didn’t return calls or answer emails, gained 172 pounds, lost 186, then gained 154, because divorce is a roller coaster like that.

Then decided to get out of the closet, get dressed, get a grip and get the heck on with my new life.

And God blessed me with some amazing new friends. I thank God every day for them… and I’m not just saying that because its the churchy thing to say.

I really, really, thank God for my new friends.

Like Rachel. Rachel was my first single friend. She’s been my backbone over the past few months. She talked me into going to Divorce Care at church and even went with me. She’s prayed for me, prayed with me, cooked me meals, kept my kids, spent the night at my house, been my date to many-a-singles-function, introduced me to all her single friends and helped me feel like I fit in in this new single world, sent me flowers when I was down, took a day off work to sit with me while my kid was having an MRI, and most importantly, just been there to listen to me while I cried, screamed, ranted, raved, and then made me laugh until my sides hurt. I can’t imagine going through what I’ve been through without her.

Then there’s Chandler. He’s funny and witty and sarcastic and a really good, really Godly man. He gets my ridiculous, quirky sense of humor, and even better, I get his (sometimes). He’s helped me do a couple of man-things around the house, played with my kids, brought them gifts, invited me to parties, offered advice, made me laugh, made me laugh some more, and most importantly, told me that the guy who hurt my heart didn’t deserve me. And every single woman needs a good guy friend who’ll tell her that when she’s feeling bad…. your girlfriends will tell you you’re too good for that jerk, but its just different coming from a man. And I’m so glad he’s my friend… Its a perk of being single that you get to have friends of the opposite sex, because married people can’t pull that off too well (and shouldn’t, if you want my .02)! But I made him pinky-promise we’d stay friends even if/when either of us has a significant other. And that’s how it is.

Then of course there’s Joey, because every single woman needs a Joey around. Joey’s the guy to call when you need a really entertaining date to a birthday party. He’s fun and funny. You don’t want to date Joey, not seriously at least, unless you’re ok sharing him with the other twelve or fifteen girls he’s juggling at any one time (And Phoebe isn’t ok with that…)… because everybody knows that’s just Joey. Joey is hilarious and the nonsense he comes up with keeps everyone laughing all the time. The best thing about Joey though is that I can always count on him to flirt with me, because I’m female after all and that’s what he does because he can flirt like nobody’s business, and it makes me smile and makes me feel good. But believe it or not, he is more than a pretty face… somewhere deep, deep down inside, he’s a decent guy with a good heart, and I know this because he let me know more than once that he was praying for my Annie. AND he may not know this yet, but he’s going to use his fabulous, perfectly sculpted muscles to help me move soon. So I think I’ll keep him.

As for Ross and Monica… when we find them I’ll let you know…

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    November 23, 2010 at 1:00 am

    Just guessing, but I bet Rachel is probably drop dead gorgeous and Loves you VERY much too!

    Reply
  2. MTaylor says

    November 23, 2010 at 4:24 am

    And Joey FOR SURE is glad to have met you. You are a light to others even though you are in a dark place in your own life. There aren't a lot of people, especially females that have the quick wit that you do, and you keep me laughing on the few occasions that you let me be around you. I can see past the tough exterior that you have to wear, and past the pain of what you've had to go

    Reply
  3. Christy Harris says

    November 29, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    Melissa, you are indeed embarking on a new (not asked-for) journey….but you are truly handling it well. Just know that there are even people who have never met you that are thinking about you and praying that God uses your divorce like a seed planted in the ground for a new and blessed life.

    Reply
  4. Karinya says

    November 30, 2010 at 3:09 am

    I got divorced this year, too. It&#39;s tough, but — man, so worth it. <br /><br />I LOL&#39;d at your weight loss/gain/whatever, because I&#39;m totally with you. <br /><br />There was a definite friend shift with my divorce, too — but, again, in my case it was a very good thing. <br /><br />I just hopped over here from blogher, and I&#39;m a follower now! It&#39;s always nice to read blogs of

    Reply
  5. Melissa from the Blue House says

    May 2, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    This is so funny to read this a year and a half later…. WHO would have ever guessed I&#39;d end up married to Joey, that Joey would hang up the flirting and be a family man and the BEST DAD EVER to my two &#39;great, well behaved little girls,&#39; and funniest of all…?… that you once said I have sunshine that makes up my soul *snicker*. I have LOVED taking advantage of those perfectly

    Reply

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About Me


Hey there... I'm Melissa! Texas girl. Mom to three + one goldendoodle. Believer. Old house fanatic. Creating a happy + healthy home with purpose is my passion. I'm so glad you're here!

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I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 years of paint off of this door down to the wood and start over… but that person has no business starting new projects. 😅 My neighbors must have thought this project would never end. *I* thought this project would never end. 😰 If you’re thinking of doing this yourself? Just don’t, ok? Throw the whole door away and buy a new one. 😂🤣 Just kidding.  Old house weirdos like me… we can’t just do things the easy way. Anyhoo… after some trial and error, @sherwinwilliams Celestial is what I landed on, and I have to say… I like it. Periwinkle-ish blue looks great with the yellow house and will look even better when the azaleas are in bloom. Was it all worth it? That’s not important right now. 🤭 Will I do this all again in two years? The magic eight ball says… without a doubt. 👏🏻 I’ve already picked the next color. #gluttonforpunishment #somefoolsneverlearn #oldhouselove #oldhomelove #makinghome #southernliving #gardenandgun #azaleadistrict #tylertx
Spring in the Azalea District makes the winters in Spring in the Azalea District makes the winters in an 80-year-old house completely worth it … what broken pipes, icy hardwood floors and drafty windows? 🤔 I forgot already. #comeonspring #azaleadistrict #tylertx
Happy Saturday ☀️ Happy Saturday ☀️
Salt Lake City is always magical ✨ Salt Lake City is always magical ✨
2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrollin 2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrolling through my pics from the last twelve months made me realize how blessed and content I am. Prosperity, love, and peace have been ours in abundance, in spite of the pain of losing my dad. The second picture is the last picture of him… the last time I saw him. 💔 But God has been good to my family this year and 2022 is ending far better than it began. 😄 #2022inreview #thanksforthememories
Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍ Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍♀️
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That’s it. That’s the tour. (Slide two). 
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It’s a new trend I’m starting: bare Christmas tree. Lowe’s tag still attached (so quirky and unexpected)! Christmas ornaments still in boxes. Coming soon to an Anthropologie window display near you. 
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Every year I think, “next year I’ll do better. Next year I’ll have it together.” And then, here we are on the SIXTH Christmas that we’ve been in this house, the sixth Christmas I’ve dragged our chaotic bunch of Christmas mess out of a chaotic garage I still haven’t unpacked from our move six years ago. 
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Maybe this year is the year I’ll organize it all and put it back neatly so that by Christmas number 7, it will be smooth sailing. People will flock to my social media to see how I’ve pulled everything off SO PERFECTLY. Next year will be my year. 
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Seems every year there’s less and less bandwidth for all these things. There’s more grief and stress, less money. More demands, less grace. 
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I put this sign on the wall in my office so I could keep it in front of my eyes: Love. Joy. Peace. And all that. I am SO unlike Jesus most days. So lacking in all of these character qualities. And that’s WITH waking up most mornings and spending my first 30 minutes with God Himself. 
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How lost would I be without that? Geez. I can’t fathom. I REQUIRE being transformed by renewing my mind every single morning, and even then, responding to people and life with love, joy, peace and patience doesn’t come naturally. 
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It’s the goal, though. 
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This weary world needs that from us Believers during this season, more than ever… even more than an Anthropologie-window-display worthy Christmas home tour. 
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I’m working on both.
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