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Gently

Melissa Beene Ford/ Uncategorized

It’s a new year.

It’s a new year, and I wish I felt pumped about it, but this new year comes hot on the heels of a really brutal December and I’m just not feeling the HOPE nor the JOY, nor even the INTENTIONAL, which seems to be THE WORD errbody all over Facebook is choosing as their Word of the Year.

I don’t even have a word for 2020. And I don’t even care. I don’t even care, y’all.

I mean, who can commit to one word for a whole year? NOT ME. Pshhh.

Do you have a word for 2020?

There is a word that keeps jumping out at me, though… as I was reading my BSF Bible study lesson a few days ago, feeling kind of overwhelmed and bummed and NOT INTO THIS WHOLE DADGUM NEW YEAR, one word caught my eye…

GENTLY.

As in, the way Jesus treated everybody. In this case, it was his buddies who were supposed to be up praying with him the night before he went to his death, but they kept falling asleep. And Jesus was kind to them anyway, never harsh or sarcastic, never apathetic to their struggles.

They didn’t even BEGIN to meet His needs in a relationship, and He was gentle with them anyway.

I can tell you FOR SURE how I would NOT deal with people, if I’m going to my death the next day and needed them to stay up praying with me and they kept falling asleep… and it would NOT be gently.

Listen, I’ve had that whole list of the Fruits of the Spirit memorized since I was a kid. Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. All that. I know that ‘Gentleness‘ is one of them, but TBH, I have never paid much attention to that word.

I mean, LOVE, JOY, PEACE, and PATIENCE… we all love those words.

Every religion and race… we all understand those words. MOVIES are made about love, joy, peace, and patience.

But gentleness, though? BLAH. That one’s kinda lame. Definitely not sexy or exciting. Gentleness would be the plain sidekick who somehow gets to sit at the popular table with her glamorous friends Love, Joy, Peace, and Patience, but nobody really notices or pays attention to her.

I mean, I don’t think I have ever given two seconds of thought to that word before…

Until December when my soul felt wounded and raw and life came at me with brass knuckles and more than anything, I just wanted… GENTLENESS.

For someone to please care about my feelings.

To just please let me sleep because I’m so tired and yet I cannot sleep.

To realize that I’m feeling a little fragile and stretched way too thin right now and I’m longing for someone to GENTLY care for me like Jesus cared for the woman at the well, and His disciples who fell asleep when He needed them most.

I picture Jesus’ gentle touch on these souls like my favorite yoga instructor’s gentle fingers on my spine or up my neck, reminding me to relax those tense parts of me…

I just recently realized, for the first time in my life, that I am NOT the most gentle person.

I mean, WHY I am just now realizing that, I dunno, but sometimes we are slow to see the stuff about ourselves that needs improvement…

I can be snarky and sarcastic and quick to say things that are harsh and abrasive and offensive ESPECIALLY if it feels funny to me. I mean, I’m kind of KNOWN for my funny social media posts, and the ones that get 172 likes are the ones that are slightly harsh and sarcastic and that is WHO I AM.

And I’ll be honest, I’ve always liked this about myself.

I am quick-witted and making people laugh feels GOOD to me. I am really GOOD at stringing together the right words to accomplish my mission, if I do say so myself.

But what looks good from a distance, like in my snarky Facebook posts, for instance, is not so good up close. THIS quality I have has turned so many people off.

I am sometimes not so gentle with people’s feelings, especially the people closest to me.

I can be rude. I can be intimidating, so I hear. If I had a dollar for every time a friend told me, “When I first met you, I was scared of you.” I chalk that up to shyness and preoccupation on my part, but still…

I’ve gotten better. In my younger days I made my friends cringe at the way I treated a cashier. I am not proud of it.

BUT STILL. I can be harsh and blunt and “I will always tell you the truth,” I say, but no one is grateful for harsh, cold, blunt TRUTH, especially at a moment in time when they might have been feeling like life has emotionally beaten them with brass knuckles.

And here’s another cold, hard truth that hit me right in the face: December may have been so hard on me because I was not gentle. I may have hurt a treasured friend, maybe more than once, and may have fractured a friendship I really wanted to keep a while longer.

I mean, this friend looked strong enough to handle it…

But even the strongest, toughest people bruise, too, sometimes way deep down in places that will be black and blue for a while.

You can’t take back UN-gentleness.

I wish I could.

It makes my stomach hurt every time I think about it.

And I don’t wanna be that girl anymore, the one who is so good with words that I can turn them into hammers or swords or any other weapon of mass destruction any time I want.

Maybe gentleness needs to be my word for 2020.

Maybe instead of proclaiming a big, ambitious, goal-slaying, boss-babe word for 2020, I need to lean in to Jesus more, and spend some time quietly being transformed by renewing my mind… and meditating on gentleness.

I found this definition online, and I like it:

GENTLENESS: not the absence of strength, but the application of strength to a tender situation

Desiring God

I would like to care for people, and their feelings, as if they’re delicate and fragile, because we ALL are. We are ALL in pain and confusion and weakness and mess. We all need care and gentle protection, the way Jesus cares for a bruised reed or a smoldering wick. We all need to be carried like lambs and gently led by a gentle shepherd.

We all need friends who will apply strength to our own tender situation, and gently care for us.

Even the ones who look strong and tough…


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About Me


Hey there... I'm Melissa! Texas girl. Mom to three + one goldendoodle. Believer. Old house fanatic. Creating a happy + healthy home with purpose is my passion. I'm so glad you're here!

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I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 years of paint off of this door down to the wood and start over… but that person has no business starting new projects. 😅 My neighbors must have thought this project would never end. *I* thought this project would never end. 😰 If you’re thinking of doing this yourself? Just don’t, ok? Throw the whole door away and buy a new one. 😂🤣 Just kidding.  Old house weirdos like me… we can’t just do things the easy way. Anyhoo… after some trial and error, @sherwinwilliams Celestial is what I landed on, and I have to say… I like it. Periwinkle-ish blue looks great with the yellow house and will look even better when the azaleas are in bloom. Was it all worth it? That’s not important right now. 🤭 Will I do this all again in two years? The magic eight ball says… without a doubt. 👏🏻 I’ve already picked the next color. #gluttonforpunishment #somefoolsneverlearn #oldhouselove #oldhomelove #makinghome #southernliving #gardenandgun #azaleadistrict #tylertx
Spring in the Azalea District makes the winters in Spring in the Azalea District makes the winters in an 80-year-old house completely worth it … what broken pipes, icy hardwood floors and drafty windows? 🤔 I forgot already. #comeonspring #azaleadistrict #tylertx
Happy Saturday ☀️ Happy Saturday ☀️
Salt Lake City is always magical ✨ Salt Lake City is always magical ✨
2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrollin 2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrolling through my pics from the last twelve months made me realize how blessed and content I am. Prosperity, love, and peace have been ours in abundance, in spite of the pain of losing my dad. The second picture is the last picture of him… the last time I saw him. 💔 But God has been good to my family this year and 2022 is ending far better than it began. 😄 #2022inreview #thanksforthememories
Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍ Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍♀️
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That’s it. That’s the tour. (Slide two). 
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It’s a new trend I’m starting: bare Christmas tree. Lowe’s tag still attached (so quirky and unexpected)! Christmas ornaments still in boxes. Coming soon to an Anthropologie window display near you. 
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Every year I think, “next year I’ll do better. Next year I’ll have it together.” And then, here we are on the SIXTH Christmas that we’ve been in this house, the sixth Christmas I’ve dragged our chaotic bunch of Christmas mess out of a chaotic garage I still haven’t unpacked from our move six years ago. 
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Maybe this year is the year I’ll organize it all and put it back neatly so that by Christmas number 7, it will be smooth sailing. People will flock to my social media to see how I’ve pulled everything off SO PERFECTLY. Next year will be my year. 
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Seems every year there’s less and less bandwidth for all these things. There’s more grief and stress, less money. More demands, less grace. 
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I put this sign on the wall in my office so I could keep it in front of my eyes: Love. Joy. Peace. And all that. I am SO unlike Jesus most days. So lacking in all of these character qualities. And that’s WITH waking up most mornings and spending my first 30 minutes with God Himself. 
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How lost would I be without that? Geez. I can’t fathom. I REQUIRE being transformed by renewing my mind every single morning, and even then, responding to people and life with love, joy, peace and patience doesn’t come naturally. 
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It’s the goal, though. 
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This weary world needs that from us Believers during this season, more than ever… even more than an Anthropologie-window-display worthy Christmas home tour. 
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I’m working on both.
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