I Need a Vacation.

One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that the happier I am, the cleaner my apartment is and the better I cook.

I’m typing this blog post in an apartment that looks like an episode of Hoarders while my kids forage for leftovers, if that tells you anything about my emotional state today.

I try really hard to not be negative. I hate negative words and avoid negative people, and don’t write negative blog posts. At least I try.

So forgive me just this once. I’m in a really bad mood.

I think I’m just tired. Like, dead-dog, bone-weary. Tired.

2010 really just sucked decades of my life away.

There was the divorce in April.

And with that a steady stream of correspondence from attorneys, at $100 a pop. I think time I opened my mailbox and saw a letter from an attorney, one year of my life was sucked away. I now understand why people make jokes about attorneys plummeting out of airplanes and such.

Two MRIs for my youngest child who was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I lose 10 years of my life with each MRI.

A house for sale.

Then the big move… downsizing from a 3,000 square foot house to a 1,300 square foot apartment. Then the catharsis of going through 12 years worth of belongings to decide which one-third to keep and which two-thirds to lose. (Its more exhausting than it sounds… physically, emotionally, and in all other ways.)

And paying rent. And financial stress.

And kids who are extra-needy as they adjust to a whole new life.

My job of nine years as a stay-at-home-mom, left behind for good.

Started a new job in May working at a gut-wrenching facility where really ill children come to live and sometimes die. I cried the whole 30-mile drive to work and the whole 30-mile drive home, every single day for that first month. It was the sick children, AND the pressure and stress of learning a new job for the first time in nine years…

Traded in an SUV. But gained a beautiful slightly used Honda Accord.

Then my beautiful Honda got hit by a truck.

I’ve been sick almost continuously since May. I think it’s the stress combined with all the bugs I’m exposed to working in a medical facility. And the lack of sleep at night, because I lay awake worrying about all of the above…

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this yet, but I’m exhausted. I haven’t had a day off since May, other than for jury duty, sick kids, sick me, car trouble, or moving. And then I don’t sleep, and that makes me really, really grouchy.

I’d really love a vacation.

And sleep.

A vacation where I could just sleep.

If not for a week, just one day would do.