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Jealousy and Relationships.

Melissa Beene Ford/ Uncategorized

I used to think jealousy in a relationship was a very bad thing.

That idea goes back to a boyfriend I had ages ago who would fly into blood-boiling rages if another guy so much as glanced in my direction. Being young and dumb, I thought his possessiveness meant that he loved me a LOT, and on some level thought that I deserved the screaming (alternating with the silent treatment) because maybe I had worn something he had forbidden me to wear, or because I had in fact made eye contact with a cute guy that day.

But that was until one of his jealous rages left bruises, and that was the final straw for me. By the grace of God I had the good sense to know that even I didn’t deserve that.

I spent the next few years refusing to get attached to anyone. Attachment meant allowing myself to be possessed, and I wasn’t having that. I prided myself on ‘not being a jealous person,’ which in reality was just fear of getting attached to another person who might be mean. And so I didn’t get attached to anyone, and during that time I made more than one guy cry actual tears while (I’m ashamed to say) I laughed.

That boyfriend I mentioned? As it turns out, he had another girlfriend or six on the side, and his jealousy was his way of projecting onto me something he himself was doing. Therefore, I came to believe that if boyfriends are jealous, it’s because they themselves can’t be trusted.

So if jealousy is about insecurity, immaturity, or an indicator of dishonesty….

Why does the Bible say that God is a jealous God?

Then there’s that song I told you about…. The one that says, “He is jealous for me…” That song has been stuck in my head since last Sunday, and I’ve been pondering the idea since then that if God himself is jealous…

Doesn’t that mean that jealousy is a good thing?

Of course God’s jealousy doesn’t stem from insecure self-centeredness like some silly college boy’s might, but rather out of vast love for us.

Because of God’s enormous love for us, anything that separates us from Him makes Him jealous for us.

With that in mind… wouldn’t it be right to assume that jealousy, rooted in love, has a place in a healthy, trusting relationship?

Not the kind of angry jealousy that leads to bruises….
I want the kind of jealousy that only seeks to protect the relationship from them.

Not the kind of immature jealousy that’s suffocating…. I want the kind of jealousy that says,
“Have a life outside of me. Just don’t let it come between me and you.”

Not the kind of insecure jealousy that’s controlling… I want the kind of jealousy where we happily, willingly put in their place those things that cause the other person to doubt.

The right kind of jealousy makes you feel valued and cherished and loved.

I want to be valued so much that there’s a part of his world that belongs only to me.

I want to be valued so much that there’s a clearly defined, jealously-guarded boundary separating that part of his world that’s mine exclusively from that part which is open to the public, and EVERYONE knows the difference between the two because they know his character but most of all because they know how he values me.

I suppose that makes me a jealous person.

And I never thought I’d say that… but then again I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

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About Me


Hey there... I'm Melissa! Texas girl. Mom to three + one goldendoodle. Believer. Old house fanatic. Creating a happy + healthy home with purpose is my passion. I'm so glad you're here!

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I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 years of paint off of this door down to the wood and start over… but that person has no business starting new projects. 😅 My neighbors must have thought this project would never end. *I* thought this project would never end. 😰 If you’re thinking of doing this yourself? Just don’t, ok? Throw the whole door away and buy a new one. 😂🤣 Just kidding.  Old house weirdos like me… we can’t just do things the easy way. Anyhoo… after some trial and error, @sherwinwilliams Celestial is what I landed on, and I have to say… I like it. Periwinkle-ish blue looks great with the yellow house and will look even better when the azaleas are in bloom. Was it all worth it? That’s not important right now. 🤭 Will I do this all again in two years? The magic eight ball says… without a doubt. 👏🏻 I’ve already picked the next color. #gluttonforpunishment #somefoolsneverlearn #oldhouselove #oldhomelove #makinghome #southernliving #gardenandgun #azaleadistrict #tylertx
Spring in the Azalea District makes the winters in Spring in the Azalea District makes the winters in an 80-year-old house completely worth it … what broken pipes, icy hardwood floors and drafty windows? 🤔 I forgot already. #comeonspring #azaleadistrict #tylertx
Happy Saturday ☀️ Happy Saturday ☀️
Salt Lake City is always magical ✨ Salt Lake City is always magical ✨
2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrollin 2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrolling through my pics from the last twelve months made me realize how blessed and content I am. Prosperity, love, and peace have been ours in abundance, in spite of the pain of losing my dad. The second picture is the last picture of him… the last time I saw him. 💔 But God has been good to my family this year and 2022 is ending far better than it began. 😄 #2022inreview #thanksforthememories
Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍ Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍♀️
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That’s it. That’s the tour. (Slide two). 
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It’s a new trend I’m starting: bare Christmas tree. Lowe’s tag still attached (so quirky and unexpected)! Christmas ornaments still in boxes. Coming soon to an Anthropologie window display near you. 
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Every year I think, “next year I’ll do better. Next year I’ll have it together.” And then, here we are on the SIXTH Christmas that we’ve been in this house, the sixth Christmas I’ve dragged our chaotic bunch of Christmas mess out of a chaotic garage I still haven’t unpacked from our move six years ago. 
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Maybe this year is the year I’ll organize it all and put it back neatly so that by Christmas number 7, it will be smooth sailing. People will flock to my social media to see how I’ve pulled everything off SO PERFECTLY. Next year will be my year. 
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Seems every year there’s less and less bandwidth for all these things. There’s more grief and stress, less money. More demands, less grace. 
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I put this sign on the wall in my office so I could keep it in front of my eyes: Love. Joy. Peace. And all that. I am SO unlike Jesus most days. So lacking in all of these character qualities. And that’s WITH waking up most mornings and spending my first 30 minutes with God Himself. 
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How lost would I be without that? Geez. I can’t fathom. I REQUIRE being transformed by renewing my mind every single morning, and even then, responding to people and life with love, joy, peace and patience doesn’t come naturally. 
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It’s the goal, though. 
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This weary world needs that from us Believers during this season, more than ever… even more than an Anthropologie-window-display worthy Christmas home tour. 
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I’m working on both.
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