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Meet My Child……..Dennis?

Melissa Beene Ford/ Annie+ Funny Stuff

Isn’t it so funny how two siblings from the same two parents, raised in the same home with the same Growing Kids God’s Way-ology, can be so DIFFERENT?

Case in point….

My two.

If you know KB, you know she’s the typical first-born: sweet, shy, quiet, wants to please her parents and teachers, and A-#1 Rule Follower. Can play alone (WITH ONLY PARENT-APPROVED TOYS, MIND YOU) for HOURS on end, and will NEVER ONCE touch anything she is NOT SUPPOSED TO. Unless we factor her friend C into the equation, but that’s another story.

Then there’s her little sister. She keeps me baffled. And praying. And cleaning. KB never, never would have done some of the things she’s done!

Just this WEEKEND, Baby A *AKA Dennis the Menace* has:

* Washed my contact lenses down the drain. I get a new pair once a month, so luckily I had my November contacts in the cabinet and did NOT have to squint through Mister Magoo glasses while racing as fast as I can to the Eye Doctor with my hands at Two-and-Ten and my face squished against the windshield to get another pair…. God forbid.

* Dragged her stool over to the kitchen counter, opened the childproof lid on the bottle of Childrens’ Motrin, and drank an undetermined amount of Motrin. I called Poison Control, whose phone number is NOW programmed into my speed dial, and found that had she drank the whole 4-oz bottle ~ which she clearly did not, judging by the amount of Motrin spilled on the counter, on her shirt, and poured into a few cups and spoons on the counter ~ it would NOT be a toxic amount for a two-year-old. Thank goodness, another heart-attack averted. Albeit, $7 bottle of Motrin literally poured down the drain.

* Found the markers hidden in my closet, inked herself up really good, including coloring all her toenails a different color. Five minutes before we had to walk out the door to go somewhere important. Twice.

* Dug through KB’s church bag, removed Big Sis’s new Hannah Montana pencils, and chewed the erasers off of four of them.

* Picked berries off of my kitchen floral arrangement and put them in the dog bowl.

* Filled my dishwasher with cat food. Which I did NOT realize until I began emptying the dishwasher of ‘clean’ dishes, wondering to myself WHY the dishes were coated in a brown-black residue, and THEN found the soap dispenser cup filled to the brim with cat food.

* ‘Cleaned’ my bathroom floor with the toilet brush and water from the toilet. She loves that danged toilet brush and it has been the subject of MANY stern words and warnings from Momma. And yet the toilet brush continues to lure her like a moth to a flame…

* Removed various things from the trash.

* PUT various things in the trash.

I’m sure there’s more, but right now I need a cigarette and some Vodka a cup of hot tea.

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Comments

  1. I am a Tornado ~ proven fact! says

    October 20, 2008 at 4:22 am

    You poor poor thing.<BR/><BR/>I have one of those to, her name is WildChild. <BR/><BR/>We tease that she will be jailed some time in her life, but I seriously don’t believe it’s a joke. <BR/><BR/>I pray for her, beg her, cry, plead, yell, scream, spank, beg again, pray again and nothing really helps.<BR/><BR/>We had to replace the 2×4’s holding the top bunk in the bunk bed because WC broke one of

    Reply
  2. mandy says

    October 20, 2008 at 4:55 am

    Hey Melissa!!!<BR/>I recently discovered your blog via Marla’s. It has kept me smiling and laughing a LOT!!! Thanks so much for sharing these precious memories and stories. I miss seeing you!<BR/>~mandy (gentry) burkett

    Reply
  3. Melissa says

    October 20, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    Tornado ~ Something tells me our children should never, ever meet. LOL.<BR/><BR/>Mandi! Good to hear from you. Do you have a blog?? I miss seeing you too, and I’d love to see some pics of your new little bundle of joy!

    Reply
  4. Marlager says

    October 20, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    She can come live with ME!!!! I, being that "baby of the family" know and understand it’s just more fun to ROCK THE BOAT, and get into STUFF, I still enjoy shocking my parents and stressing them out, all in good fun! Annie has a bright future as class favorite, class clown, and Miss Congeniality!!!

    Reply
  5. Melissa says

    October 20, 2008 at 6:36 pm

    Marla, <BR/>I have a WHOLE new understanding and respect for Mary Smith, and I will pray for that sweet, sweet lady….God love her. 😉

    Reply
  6. Shanequa says

    October 21, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    Girl, you crack me up.

    Reply
  7. Mandy says

    October 22, 2008 at 3:52 am

    I don’t have a blog. It’s one of those things I keep telling myself I’m going to do, but just haven’t gotten around to creating one yet. Jack is definitely my bundle of joy! I can’t get enough of him! We need to get together sometime and I’ll show him to you in person! 🙂

    Reply
  8. Anonymous says

    October 23, 2008 at 3:05 am

    More than Growing Kids, I have been helped by Kevin Leman’s books. In my town, you can check them out from the library. He has one on Birth Order, which I found humorous and enlightening, and explains why two kids raised in the same house can be so different. His latest that I know of is ‘Have a New Kid by Friday’ I’m not sure how well this would work with toddlers, but it worked like a charm

    Reply

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About Me


Hey there... I'm Melissa! Texas girl. Mom to three + one goldendoodle. Believer. Old house fanatic. Creating a happy + healthy home with purpose is my passion. I'm so glad you're here!

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I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 years of paint off of this door down to the wood and start over… but that person has no business starting new projects. 😅 My neighbors must have thought this project would never end. *I* thought this project would never end. 😰 If you’re thinking of doing this yourself? Just don’t, ok? Throw the whole door away and buy a new one. 😂🤣 Just kidding.  Old house weirdos like me… we can’t just do things the easy way. Anyhoo… after some trial and error, @sherwinwilliams Celestial is what I landed on, and I have to say… I like it. Periwinkle-ish blue looks great with the yellow house and will look even better when the azaleas are in bloom. Was it all worth it? That’s not important right now. 🤭 Will I do this all again in two years? The magic eight ball says… without a doubt. 👏🏻 I’ve already picked the next color. #gluttonforpunishment #somefoolsneverlearn #oldhouselove #oldhomelove #makinghome #southernliving #gardenandgun #azaleadistrict #tylertx
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Salt Lake City is always magical ✨ Salt Lake City is always magical ✨
2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrollin 2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrolling through my pics from the last twelve months made me realize how blessed and content I am. Prosperity, love, and peace have been ours in abundance, in spite of the pain of losing my dad. The second picture is the last picture of him… the last time I saw him. 💔 But God has been good to my family this year and 2022 is ending far better than it began. 😄 #2022inreview #thanksforthememories
Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍ Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍♀️
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That’s it. That’s the tour. (Slide two). 
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It’s a new trend I’m starting: bare Christmas tree. Lowe’s tag still attached (so quirky and unexpected)! Christmas ornaments still in boxes. Coming soon to an Anthropologie window display near you. 
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Every year I think, “next year I’ll do better. Next year I’ll have it together.” And then, here we are on the SIXTH Christmas that we’ve been in this house, the sixth Christmas I’ve dragged our chaotic bunch of Christmas mess out of a chaotic garage I still haven’t unpacked from our move six years ago. 
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Maybe this year is the year I’ll organize it all and put it back neatly so that by Christmas number 7, it will be smooth sailing. People will flock to my social media to see how I’ve pulled everything off SO PERFECTLY. Next year will be my year. 
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Seems every year there’s less and less bandwidth for all these things. There’s more grief and stress, less money. More demands, less grace. 
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I put this sign on the wall in my office so I could keep it in front of my eyes: Love. Joy. Peace. And all that. I am SO unlike Jesus most days. So lacking in all of these character qualities. And that’s WITH waking up most mornings and spending my first 30 minutes with God Himself. 
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How lost would I be without that? Geez. I can’t fathom. I REQUIRE being transformed by renewing my mind every single morning, and even then, responding to people and life with love, joy, peace and patience doesn’t come naturally. 
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It’s the goal, though. 
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This weary world needs that from us Believers during this season, more than ever… even more than an Anthropologie-window-display worthy Christmas home tour. 
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I’m working on both.
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