Moving Forward

I started this blog long ago, on a platform that doesn’t even exist anymore, just to talk about my home renovation project. My mom read it. I mean, those were the only people reading blogs back in those days… just your own friends and family.

And then somehow my blog following grew, and I have no idea how or why, but at one point there were over 100k visitors to my blog every month. I was no Pioneer Woman (she probably hits that many visits every second), but it was definitely a larger audience than my mom.

Have I said that before? Seems I’ve said that before.

And it was FUN, that fifteen minutes of minor fame (I mean, I was no Pioneer Woman, but I WAS recognized in public, out of state, even, more than once… gosh ) and I found a calling, and thennnn….. I had the life sucked out of me and I quit.

I feel like I’ve said that before too.

And I’ve even written a few blogs about how I was coming back, and then I didn’t, and then, OK, NOW I’m coming back… oops, still no… OK wait. Now. I’m ready now. I MISS it. I miss writing things that made people laugh and then cry and then laugh again, and I even miss being recognized by the public, like the time a lady I met in Orlando, Florida had MY ACTUAL PANCAKE RECIPE SAVED ON HER PHONE.

For realz. Tell me that ain’t fun.

So I’m not even going to claim that THIS is finally my comeback. I mean, I’ve said that, and you’re tired of that. I just had a moment to write a few words, so here we are.

And the thing is, I have to come back, for all the reasons that have held me back from WANTING to come back… if that makes any sense.

I’ve been through some stuff, yo.

Stuff that this naive girl who was a Christian Ministry major back in college NEVER would have seen coming. I mean, I did everything right. All the things. All the things that I would have thought would have made me God’s favorite child, if he actually had favorites.

If you had told me THEN that down the road, I’d be divorced twice, working full time and raising three kids with two different last names all by myself… well, I would not have believed that, because I was supposed to be Betty Draper (well, minus the cigarettes and liquor and adultery and whatnot, but you know what I mean). And here we are.

I’ve spent the last several years being really ashamed, if I’m honest. I wanted to hide, rather than write a blog that might make everyone talk about what a loser, failure, and hypocrite I am. I have my own inner voice that likes to tell me that already, thanks.

But I keep seeing the signs plastered all over the universe that I’m supposed to tell the story. I’ve been through some stuff, after all.

But so have so many other people who are also feeling alone and ashamed because nobody tells stories like this. I’m supposed to tell the story of what I have been through, because there are others. I have no idea what you all will do with this, but that part isn’t up to me.

So here you go: the mistakes I’ve made, the excruciating lessons I’ve learned, and most importantly, how I’ve healed, coming right up.

And maybe, possibly, another pancake recipe or two.

Anything specific you want to know? Feel free to drop questions in the comments.