So I wrote my first blog post in a long time yesterday. Did a little updating as well… new title banner (always fun), rearranged some stuff, etc.

And took a few minutes the better part of the day to re-read some old posts.

So much of it all felt like it was written by someone else… I read through it wondering why in the heck did I say that? or I can’t believe I once thought that was a good idea.. and quite a few times was just plain embarrassed by the stupidity of it all.

Then I realized that it was all written by someone else…. because I’m not that person anymore. I’ve taken a beating the last few months. Had my eyes opened. Learned lots of brutal life lessons. Grown up.

There are lots of pictures on this blog that I really didn’t want to look at, and lots of stories I didn’t want to be reminded of, and lots of things I once said that don’t even sound like something I think or believe anymore. I don’t want anybody else reading those.

I started to delete the whole blog. Instead I just deleted some pictures and a few posts. But not all. And then second-guessed whether I should have deleted anything… it is my history, after all, and some day my kids might want to go back and read this stuff and they might treasure the pictures I can’t stomach looking at right now.

I know this because when my parents moved to a new house a few years ago, my dad tossed his whole file of pictures and newspaper clippings related to cases he worked and crimes he solved, and I was beyond. FURIOUS. Tossed them in the garbage!! He didn’t think anyone would want all that stuff, and well, I DID. Four years later, I could cry about it. So, I don’t want to do that to my kids…

But one thing I know is that I really enjoy this whole blog thing. It was fun and refreshing for me to play with it yesterday. I like telling stories and amusing people. All three of them. I like it when people read a post then comment or email me about it. I’ve gotten to know quite a few people through this blog, and I like that. But whether anyone reads it or not, its just fun for me to write it.

So I think I’ve decided that… from this whole Big Blue House thing, I need to move. Leave all the bad memories of the Big Blue House behind… and start over.

I have a new place in mind already.

Maybe I’ll see you there when the time comes.