Now that I’m an Old Maid.

I’ve had way too many weekends alone lately to sit and think and stare at the walls and listen to the sounds of the ….crickets.

And with all this ‘thinking’ I’ve had time to do, I’ve come to the conclusion that rather than being sad, like I have been, and focusing on how I miss having someone, its time to dive off headfirst into this ‘single’ situation.

Embrace it.

Live it up.

Its time to start accumulating cats. Oh, I’ll start small, with 6 or 8, but my eventual goal is 50. That way I’ll never have to be alone on the weekends.

And if I have to go around covered in cat hair…. SO WHAT. Nobody loves you like your 50 cats.

Its time to start a hobby, like knitting. That way I can have bags upon bags of yarn balls filling my apartment. The cats will love that.

Its time to start DVR-ing ALL the good stories: You know, like Days of Our Lives and General Hospital and all the others. I’ll need to have something to watch while I knit, and besides, when there ain’t no romance in your own life, you should live vicariously through Bo and Hope.

Its time to start sewing. I’ll start small, with clothes for all my dolls, then keep on going until every item I own is covered in its own homemade cozy.

And speaking of dolls, its time to start collecting them. The real pretty ones you see in Woman’s Day Magazine. I’ll display them on my mantle, my bed, and one on each step of my stairs.

Its time to start wearing head-to-toe holiday garb. Homemade sweatshirts with real Christmas ornaments sewn on, with the homemade chunky wooden Santa Claus necklace. And OF COURSE the coordinating Christmas socks.

Its time to start saving. And not money, either…. I mean glass Mason jars, empty bread bags, and plastic margarine containers. You can never have too many of those.

Oh, I’ll have so much to do to keep me entertained at home, I’ll NEVER need to have guests, but when the nieces and nephews are forced under duress to visit poor old lonely Aunt Melissa, I’ll give them big, sloppy wet kisses right on their mouths, as they cringe from the cat odor wafting from my housedress.

Oh, I’ll have so much to do to keep me entertained at home, I’ll NEVER need to go out.

But when I do go out? It will be in one head-to-toe color like orange or lavender: from the scarf in my hair to my matching nailpolish to my old-lady pumps. Unless its Christmas time, that is, when naturally I’ll be in head-to-toe Christmas garb.

Oh yes. I’m excited about my future already. Being in a relationship is SO overrated.

I think I’ll head down to Petsmart now and check out the cat selection…

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*Thanks to my sister Betsy for all the great ideas inspiring this blog post. 🙂