• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Blue House Blog

  • Home
  • About
    • About
    • Truth
    • Contact Me
  • Recipes
    • Trim Healthy Mama
    • Nourishing Traditions
  • My Home
    • Remodeling
    • Before and After
  • The Fine Print
    • Disclosure
    • Privacy
    • Media
  • Shop

Now that I’m an Old Maid.

Melissa Beene Ford/ Funny Stuff

I’ve had way too many weekends alone lately to sit and think and stare at the walls and listen to the sounds of the ….crickets.

And with all this ‘thinking’ I’ve had time to do, I’ve come to the conclusion that rather than being sad, like I have been, and focusing on how I miss having someone, its time to dive off headfirst into this ‘single’ situation.

Embrace it.

Live it up.

Its time to start accumulating cats. Oh, I’ll start small, with 6 or 8, but my eventual goal is 50. That way I’ll never have to be alone on the weekends.

And if I have to go around covered in cat hair…. SO WHAT. Nobody loves you like your 50 cats.

Its time to start a hobby, like knitting. That way I can have bags upon bags of yarn balls filling my apartment. The cats will love that.

Its time to start DVR-ing ALL the good stories: You know, like Days of Our Lives and General Hospital and all the others. I’ll need to have something to watch while I knit, and besides, when there ain’t no romance in your own life, you should live vicariously through Bo and Hope.

Its time to start sewing. I’ll start small, with clothes for all my dolls, then keep on going until every item I own is covered in its own homemade cozy.

And speaking of dolls, its time to start collecting them. The real pretty ones you see in Woman’s Day Magazine. I’ll display them on my mantle, my bed, and one on each step of my stairs.

Its time to start wearing head-to-toe holiday garb. Homemade sweatshirts with real Christmas ornaments sewn on, with the homemade chunky wooden Santa Claus necklace. And OF COURSE the coordinating Christmas socks.

Its time to start saving. And not money, either…. I mean glass Mason jars, empty bread bags, and plastic margarine containers. You can never have too many of those.

Oh, I’ll have so much to do to keep me entertained at home, I’ll NEVER need to have guests, but when the nieces and nephews are forced under duress to visit poor old lonely Aunt Melissa, I’ll give them big, sloppy wet kisses right on their mouths, as they cringe from the cat odor wafting from my housedress.

Oh, I’ll have so much to do to keep me entertained at home, I’ll NEVER need to go out.

But when I do go out? It will be in one head-to-toe color like orange or lavender: from the scarf in my hair to my matching nailpolish to my old-lady pumps. Unless its Christmas time, that is, when naturally I’ll be in head-to-toe Christmas garb.

Oh yes. I’m excited about my future already. Being in a relationship is SO overrated.

I think I’ll head down to Petsmart now and check out the cat selection…

~~~
*Thanks to my sister Betsy for all the great ideas inspiring this blog post. 🙂

Recent Posts

  • Narcissists and the Circular Argument
  • A Chicken and Egg Story
  • Pretty
  • Hiding
  • Lack and Abundance and Marketplace Sofas

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. CJ says

    August 13, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    Jill&#39;s idea of wearing your wedding dress as much as possible is great.<br /><br />Personally, I do not like cats AT ALL. Being allergic to them aside, I just don&#39;t like them. I think in my version I will have Guinea Pigs. That way if I get really hungry I can roast one for supper and no one will realize one is missing. Plus, they reproduce like rabbits.<br /><br />Also, with Guinea Pigs

    Reply
  2. Melissa from the Blue House says

    August 13, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    Yes, that wedding dress idea made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. She is too funny. 🙂

    Reply
  3. Joseph says

    August 13, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    WWOOOORRRRIIIIEEEEDDDD! as in, I am WWWWOOOORRRRRIIIIEEEDDD! But, you are still wonderful, cats and all.

    Reply
  4. Jeane` says

    August 13, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    You forgot to mention to stop stressing over tweezing, and that in your new liberated state, it&#39;s time to THROW AWAY THE TWEEZER! Besides, chin hair keeps the chin region so nice and toasty in the winter!<br /><br />And when you DO go out (to buy cat food), don&#39;t forget to give your Rose-Garden scented talcum powder a good shake down the front of your polyester mumu. AND always take

    Reply
  5. Melissa from the Blue House says

    August 13, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    Who wants a tall, dark, and handsome Jesus-loving cowboy when I can have cats?

    Reply
  6. Anonymous says

    August 13, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    It seems to me that there would be other advsntages to being accepting of the forever-single life.<br />You wouldn&#39;t have to waste time putting on make-up, fixing your hair, or wearing stylish clothes. This means those expensive trips getting your hair fixed could end, as well as the shopping trips. I see the &quot;old maid&quot; types everywhere with hair that hasn&#39;t felt scissors in

    Reply
  7. Lisa says

    August 15, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    Oh I am dying here. You are hysterical. You almost make me want to be single.

    Reply
  8. Anonymous says

    August 15, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    Perfect!!!

    Reply
  9. ZsMomma says

    February 24, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Dude. You and I think A LOT alike. I will teach you to sew and knit if you will tend to the cats. I don&#39;t like the urine odor, so that will be something you have to take care of. 🙂

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

About Me


Hey there... I'm Melissa! Texas girl. Mom to three + one goldendoodle. Believer. Old house fanatic. Creating a happy + healthy home with purpose is my passion. I'm so glad you're here!

I'll try my best to make you laugh (or cry? but only for a second...). Thanks for being here, friend!

Wanna follow along on Instagram? Click the link below!

...and be sure to subscribe to emails so you don't miss a post!

Search

Join Me On Pinterest

PAST DEEP THOUGHTS

Find the Blue House on Instagram!

[instagram-feed]

Footer

Search

Copyright © 2022 · Ella Theme by Code + Coconut