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Patient and Kind

Melissa Beene Ford/ Uncategorized

I’ve been reading The Love Dare for Parents lately, and I tell ya what….

I’m only four days in, or maybe five ~ I lose track on account of how I’ve gone back and re-read the chapters two or four times each, ~ and it has gutted me.

Patient and Kind…

These words are stuck in head lately, and it’s because of this book. This book has hit me where it hurts, every single day.

I know love is patient. I know love is kind. I’ve had that whole passage from the Bible memorized since I was a kid.

It’s just that somewhere over the last three years, since I’ve let myself* be overwhelmed by single mom life, I MAY have forgotten to be patient and kind to my kids.

I mean, not that it’s NOT overwhelming being a single mom, but I say ‘let myself‘ because we ALL have stress and struggles, but we can choose to believe that

The Lord is my Shepherd and I CAN leave all the stress and strain and hard decision to HIM…

…but I forget.

I focus on ALL I HAVE TO DO, ALL ALONE, let myself feel overwhelmed, and don’t leave enough margin in my life for the extras like ‘patience’ and ‘kindness’ because DANGIT, WE HAVE TO GET DINNER COOKED AND GET HOMEWORK DONE AND I WORK, OK? I. WORK. AND IT’S A STRESSFUL JOB AND I AM ALREADY BEHIND AND THAT IS ALL THE BANDWIDTH I HAVE.

It’s super painful for me to admit this publicly, just so you know.

BUT it was also super painful for me to realize this about myself, and I have felt this heavy conviction about how I, alone, have made these last three years SO MUCH HARDER on my kids than it should have been, because I was not PATIENT AND KIND. I’m blinking back tears even typing that out.

The GOOD news is, I guess, that I am still capable of being convicted and changing my ways. And it WILL change, because I want my kids to have fond memories of their amazing childhoods growing up with me.

THANK GOD, I get a new chance every day.

Just yesterday morning, for instance, my patience and kindness levels got severely tested, as they tend to do, getting kids to school in the mornings…

Susie wasn’t wearing what Annie thought she should wear, and Annie was annoyed with it.

Susie was annoyed that Annie was treating her like a kindergartener.

Then one of them was in the way when the other one was making their lunch…

Yada yada yada.

Me: DO Y’ALL REALLY ENJOY THIS? DO YOU *ENJOY* THE WAY YOU TALK TO EACH OTHER?!

In all caps because I may have been yelling it.

We get into the car to leave, four minutes later than PRIME leave-the-house-time, steam already coming out of my ears, and I step outside into a river running down my driveway.

I gasp in horror at the water standing several inches deep around my tires.

Earthworms flopping around in the driveway because they’ve been flooded up out of the ground.

That’s when I realized someone had left the water hose running ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

I mean, WHO did it isn’t important right now, but that million dollar mistake, UGH, JUST WHEN DAVE RAMSEY’S GOT ME TWO STEPS FORWARD AND NOW I’LL HAVE TO TAKE ONE STEP BACK TO PAY FOR THIS WATER IN THE DRIVEWAY…. just UGH.

I squeal tires down the street, cranking up my ‘comfort food’ of Pandora stations, because music has a dramatic effect on my mood, always, and this morning’s mood called for some gritty, twangy music with a Red Dirt attitude and only Charlie Robison could meet those needs today.

Halfway to Susie’s school, Charlie’s singing about his hometown, my nerves are calming, slightly, and I realize Susie’s forgotten her birthday party invitations, THE ONES I SPECIFICALLY TOLD HER TO PUT IN HER BACK PACK LAST NIGHT. DID I NOT? TELL YOU? TO PUT THOSE? IN YOUR BACKPACK? LAST? NIGHT? I asked her, in all caps.

And then Annie shrieks, OH NO!!!!! I FORGOT MY ID!!!! TURN AROUND! I CAN’T GO TO SCHOOL WITHOUT IT!

And SOMEONE, who was ALREADY annoyed about the bickering and the running late and the WATER IN THE DRIVWAY almost blows a gasket.

SOMEONE started to sternly lecture about how I WORK FULL TIME AND I HAVE A FULL DAY AND I CANNOT. CANNOT!! BE DRIVING CIRCLES AROUND TYLER ALL DANG DAY LONG TO BRING YOU THINGS THAT YOUUUUUUUUU FORGOT…..

And the Holy Spirit reminded me…

Patient and kind. Patient and kind. Patient and kind.

They’re kids.

Just kids.

Be patient and kind with them because they’re kids, and they do kid things.

And I decided to just be quiet. Quiet, but there was tension. We all felt it.

And that’s when Roger Creager started singing about Everclear and tequila and beer and leaving sweet Miss Sherrie-Ann in the yard and whatnot, and I had JUST decided MAYBE I should change to maybe, you know, Lauren Daigle or something, when Annie says,

Oh, THAT’S a real good song for 8am….

I laughed. Annie laughed.

And that’s when poor little Susie in the back seat lost it.

YOU CAN FORGIVE ANNIE BUT YOU CAN’T FORGIVE ME!! YOU CAN’T FORGIVE ME FOR ONE WHOLE YEAR!!!

Unbeknownst to me, Susie had been beating herself up in the backseat for forgetting her birthday party invitations.

I had to tell her that it was ok.

We all forget things sometimes. Sheesh, I forget one thing per hour. That’s 24 forgotten things a day. Nine thousand a year.

I assured her I would be able to bring her party invitations to school later.

And I’m not mad.

It’s a work in progress, this patient and kind thing.

My kids need me to be a patient and kind mama, and God seems to be giving me lots of tests lately to prove I can handle that.

And MAYBE… if the mama is more patient and kind, the kids will learn to treat each other better in the mornings before school.

I’m working on it.

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About Me


Hey there... I'm Melissa! Texas girl. Mom to three + one goldendoodle. Believer. Old house fanatic. Creating a happy + healthy home with purpose is my passion. I'm so glad you're here!

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I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 years of paint off of this door down to the wood and start over… but that person has no business starting new projects. 😅 My neighbors must have thought this project would never end. *I* thought this project would never end. 😰 If you’re thinking of doing this yourself? Just don’t, ok? Throw the whole door away and buy a new one. 😂🤣 Just kidding.  Old house weirdos like me… we can’t just do things the easy way. Anyhoo… after some trial and error, @sherwinwilliams Celestial is what I landed on, and I have to say… I like it. Periwinkle-ish blue looks great with the yellow house and will look even better when the azaleas are in bloom. Was it all worth it? That’s not important right now. 🤭 Will I do this all again in two years? The magic eight ball says… without a doubt. 👏🏻 I’ve already picked the next color. #gluttonforpunishment #somefoolsneverlearn #oldhouselove #oldhomelove #makinghome #southernliving #gardenandgun #azaleadistrict #tylertx
Spring in the Azalea District makes the winters in Spring in the Azalea District makes the winters in an 80-year-old house completely worth it … what broken pipes, icy hardwood floors and drafty windows? 🤔 I forgot already. #comeonspring #azaleadistrict #tylertx
Happy Saturday ☀️ Happy Saturday ☀️
Salt Lake City is always magical ✨ Salt Lake City is always magical ✨
2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrollin 2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrolling through my pics from the last twelve months made me realize how blessed and content I am. Prosperity, love, and peace have been ours in abundance, in spite of the pain of losing my dad. The second picture is the last picture of him… the last time I saw him. 💔 But God has been good to my family this year and 2022 is ending far better than it began. 😄 #2022inreview #thanksforthememories
Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍ Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍♀️
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That’s it. That’s the tour. (Slide two). 
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It’s a new trend I’m starting: bare Christmas tree. Lowe’s tag still attached (so quirky and unexpected)! Christmas ornaments still in boxes. Coming soon to an Anthropologie window display near you. 
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Every year I think, “next year I’ll do better. Next year I’ll have it together.” And then, here we are on the SIXTH Christmas that we’ve been in this house, the sixth Christmas I’ve dragged our chaotic bunch of Christmas mess out of a chaotic garage I still haven’t unpacked from our move six years ago. 
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Maybe this year is the year I’ll organize it all and put it back neatly so that by Christmas number 7, it will be smooth sailing. People will flock to my social media to see how I’ve pulled everything off SO PERFECTLY. Next year will be my year. 
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Seems every year there’s less and less bandwidth for all these things. There’s more grief and stress, less money. More demands, less grace. 
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I put this sign on the wall in my office so I could keep it in front of my eyes: Love. Joy. Peace. And all that. I am SO unlike Jesus most days. So lacking in all of these character qualities. And that’s WITH waking up most mornings and spending my first 30 minutes with God Himself. 
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How lost would I be without that? Geez. I can’t fathom. I REQUIRE being transformed by renewing my mind every single morning, and even then, responding to people and life with love, joy, peace and patience doesn’t come naturally. 
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It’s the goal, though. 
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This weary world needs that from us Believers during this season, more than ever… even more than an Anthropologie-window-display worthy Christmas home tour. 
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I’m working on both.
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