Its been A. WEEK.

A week when I can’t find my happy.

Overwhelmed. Drowning. Paralyzed. Grief-stricken, for lots of reasons. I want to curl up in the fetal position and suck my thumb. And where, by gosh, is my blanky?! I NEED IT!

I’ve had call after call from crying moms (an occupational hazard). Three today, alone! And crying moms in my office. As a mom… its the heartache of the crying moms that rips me apart. Then there have been several Facebook prayer requests this week that have broken my heart. Tragedy after tragedy after tragedy. Oh, dear Lord.

Normally I can HANDLE it. Its WHAT I DO. I’m a social worker, after all… I am at my best, I think, when I’m helping people who are at their worst. Or at least those are the people I’m drawn to.

Until it gets to be too much. Its ‘worst‘ everywhere I turn. Friends without jobs. Friends with sick kids. Friends who buried a parent this week. Young moms with cancer. Friends grieving over a crumbling marriage. Stress. Heartache. Trauma. Its too much.

And this week, all I can think is…. This world is not my home. And I just want to go home.

I haven’t handled anything well this week, let me just be the first to admit. Sometimes I just don’t. Sometimes I get all caught up in it and … dare I say… get ugly. I hate that about myself. I’m only human, after all, and sometimes its JUST TOO MUCH.

I’m so thankful for friends and family who are strong when I’m not. Who pray for me and with me when I don’t even feel like it. A church where I am fed.  And all of it that redirects me back from the pit where I’m wallowing to …The Truth.

Back to the Source of the peace that passes understanding. Peace… that comes from somewhere … beyond anything we can understand. Praise the Lord, we do have hope and a refuge; rest and grace. I forgot… but thank you for reminding me. Again.

I keep my radio at work on KVNE — its a MUST; I NEED the encouragement — and I hear this song by Aaron Shust on the radio quite often, and I can’t help but want to sing along at the top of my lungs.

Especially during weeks like this one.

I meet with You and my soul sings out
As Your Word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my heart cries holy
Hallelujah, Father You’re near

My hope is in you Lord, all the day long
I won’t be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song and I sing
My hope is in You alone

I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries glory
Hallelujah, Father You’re here

My hope is in you Lord, all the day long
I won’t be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song and I sing
My hope is in You alone

I will wait on You, You Are My refuge
I will wait on You, You Are My refuge

My hope is in you Lord, all the day long
I won’t be shaken by drought or storm
my hope is in you Lord, all the day long
I won’t be shaken by drought or storm

A peace that passes understanding is my song and I sing

My hope is in You alone,
My hope is in You alone,
My hope is in You alone.