I was just thinking about how this blog was supposed to be about the house.

Because once a day someone asks me how the remodeling project is going.

OK, maybe not once a day.

I’m not that popular, that somebody daily wants to ask something like that. Not remotely.

But often, ok?

Like, once a year or so.

So I started this blog just so I could say, “Take a look at the blog…its all on there!”…and I thought it would be fun to post before-and-after pictures so folks could brag on my decorating prowess.

And then we came to a big, dead, remodeling standstill.

The bottom line is, we ran out of money.

Actually we were probably out of money before we even got to do any of the fun stuff, like pick stylish paint colors….the money all went into things you can’t even see, like new wiring.

So here we sit, with the garage unfinished, and a few doors missing doorknobs, and yet the blog is still here, crying out for something to be posted….there’s just nothing to post about the house.

But all in all, we’re probably 95% done.

I feel kinda weird about having ‘Big’ in my blog title.

Makes it sound like I think my house is ‘big’ or something….like I’m bragging about my ‘Big’ house….

But you have to remember, we bought this house at a point in life when we had a three-year-old, who was very much enamored with a certain Bear who was on tv at that point in time, and so for her sake, we nicknamed this house… you guessed it. Trying to get her interested in moving from the only cozy little home she had ever known to the dark, creepy blue house two blocks away by pretending there were Pillows Full of Fluff Here, Lots of Fun, Here’s Where!! Welcome, Welcome, Welcome!

I was just pondering back to the months leading up to buying this house.

My family was downright horrified.

My dad couldn’t sleep, convinced we were making a horribly foolish blunder.

And perhaps in hindsight….(sigh)….he might have had a point.

Its been a money pit.

Its cost lots of my sanity, almost split up our marriage, created circumstances ripe for one of us to get a near-fatal virus in the brain, packed four hundred and seventy-two pounds onto my rear end, done permanent damage to my back, and drained our savings account. And who knows what other damage has been done psychologically to the kids.

Its been hard. Torture in fact.

But I’m not admitting defeat.

We prayed and prayed about this, and just *knew* beyond a shadow of a doubt, in a way that I can’t explain, that this house was The One. And that was all that mattered. Hubs and I knew, and that was all we needed.

Why am I telling you all of this?

That’s a good question. Maybe because its the middle of the night, I can’t sleep (see above mentioned ‘sanity’ comment), and I’m just sitting here pondering Life.

I was just remembering something my dad said to me as he was trying to talk us out of buying this house.

“So let me get this straight. You’re about to buy a house with no kitchen, no running water, 80-year-old wiring that sizzles when you flip a light switch, no hot water heater, no central air or heat, a rotten foundation, full of rats and rat droppings, and it needs a new roof. And you’re going to pay X-amount of money for it. Is that what you’re telling me??”

Ummmm, yeah, dad…that pretty much sums it up. We bought that house you just described. Bought it. Hook, line, and sinker.

So when you looked at my weary, wrinkled face, and hear me complain about being tired and overwhelmed, don’t feel sorry for me.

This was all my choice. I wanted this.

Because I had a ‘why.’

One of my favorite quotes from my college days was, “A person who knows the ‘why’ of life can put up with almost any ‘how.’

This house is the ‘how’ to my ‘why.’

The ‘why’ will come later.

For now, I need a vacation.