Refuge and Strength.

Tomorrow Annie and I are heading to Dallas so that she can have an MRI of her brain.

And if you aren’t familiar with that story, do a search for ‘tumor‘ on this blog. Because I don’t want to talk about it again.

God has healed her…. I have no doubt. Its been done. The price, paid in full.

Regardless of what the scan of her brain shows tomorrow.

Its always a difficult, emotionally draining week for me, in spite of my profound confidence that God heals.

And hard for Annie too.

I don’t shelter her from the reality of it. From the last MRI, I’ve let her know that there will be another MRI, and another one after that. She has no real concept of time (she gets that from me), so I told her the next hospital trip would be after KB’s birthday, after Christmas, and after her birthday.

So as soon as her birthday was behind us she started asking… Do we go to the hospital soon?

It worries her, and that’s the hardest part of this whole process for me.

I can’t stand for her to worry about it.

She will bring it up at odd, random times, like yesterday in the car when she asked, “Remember last time I went to the hospital? I fell asleep without anybody knowing it.”

So cute, her innocent little perspective on things. Little does she know, they snuck an IV into her hand without her knowing it, but I knew… all too well. I watched her slip into unconsciousness in a matter of milliseconds, and my heart ached.

I age ten years every time they put her under.

I hardly sleep in the days preceeding. So at around 2:00 this morning, since I couldn’t sleep, I went downstairs to the couch, and opened up my Bible and read.

(Which is what I do in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep… which leads me to wonder… does God allow this drama because I wouldn’t seek Him otherwise? Hmm…)

Divine Providence led me to Psalm 37, for no real rhyme or reason… and comforting words kept jumping out at me as I read this chapter over and over, oblivious of my sleep window closing as the sun came up. Words like …

…hope in the Lord…
…great peace…
…for the Lord upholds him with his hand…
…the Lord… will not forsake…
…protected forever…

but it was the final words in the final verse that caught my attention the most:

The Lord helps them and delivers them; … because they take refuge in him.

I have many amazing friends and an extended family that ONLY bring blessings into my life.

I know they pray for me and for Annie and for Annie’s situation.

I feel it.

Its my refuge… this knowlege that they pray. I take comfort in the prayers of the ones who love us.

Its my strength… knowing that the Lord upholds, protects, and delivers, and that He always meets me there on the couch in the middle of the night when I need a comforting Word the most.