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The Boy Toy Diaries and God’s Sense of Humor.

Melissa Beene Ford/ Katie

Relationships are SO tough.

Even more so when you’ve both been divorced and bring lots of baggage to the table.

And almost impossible when you’re near-paralyzed by a wicked case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder brought on by horrific events from your last relationship, with a tendency to wig out like a Vietnam War veteran at the faintest breath of of anything that remotely reminds you of it…

For those of you who know me or are friends with me on Facebook, perhaps you’ve noticed the Friend/ Relationship/ Single/ Unfriend/ Friend roller coaster I’ve lived since December.

For those of you who don’t know me, this guy came into my life so very unexpectedly, when I really had come to terms with being alone forever. I had decided I would be never be truly happy, but that was ok as long as I wasn’t miserable either.

And then one day in Sunday School I locked eyes with Derek Zoolander from across the room, and that was the beginning of a roller coaster that has caused my friends to yell, roll their eyes, stop talking to me, unfriend me on Facebook, and even threaten to shoot me.

And those are my CLOSEST friends! They WANT TO SHOOT ME!!
I can’t help myself.

His appeal goes way beyond the fact that he’s really, really, ridiculously good-looking. I love him for so much more than his rugged male-model good looks and ripped abs. He’s so very intelligent… and talented… and has this ridiculous sense of humor that is more like my own than anyone I’ve ever met. And funny goes a LONG way; its at the top of my wish-list in fact.

Just sayin’… I lived for many years ONLY laughing when the other party tripped over something in the middle of the night, and that doesn’t make for an enjoyable relationship. I never want a non-laughing relationship again.

And my kids love him.

WOW, do they love him… and he’s brought out a whole new side of my kids that I’ve never seen before. They get in my car in the evenings and the FIRST WORDS out of their mouths are ALWAYS about HIM. They’re either asking me if he can please come over tonight, or still laughing about something silly he said or did days ago, or asking me if they can call him on my cell phone. So they call him often, and I can hear him tell them over the speakerphone that he’s missed them, and it makes my heart melt.

He brings them necklaces and coloring books, draws with Katie, and plays Memory with Annie. He’s good-hearted. He’s thoughtful, kind, and compassionate. He REALLY DOES want to make sad people happy. He sees only the good in everybody. He prays before every meal and has the kind of wisdom that comes from knowing the Bible well and reading it often.

And those are only a few of the zillions of reasons I’m so miserable without him. I know, because I’ve tried to be without him at least 172 times.

Because I know that any guy as incredible as this one is more than I deserve, and with my PTSD my instinct is to run away to somewhere safe before he comes to his senses and realizes he could do a lot better.

The roller coaster isn’t his doing… its mine.

I’m anxious and insecure and have lots of unhealed wounds, and if I were the one writing my own story, I’d take all that into consideration and choose for myself a guy who would ONLY soothe my insecurities… he’d probably be old, plain, quiet, safe, and boring, like Uncle Knit-Knots from the Imagination Movers.

And I’d never have to NOT be insecure.

But God loves me too much to let me stay paralyzed in insecurity or to inflict Uncle Knit-Knots upon me knowing that would NEVER make me happy.

Or maybe with His sense of humor he thought it would be funny to give me the OPPOSITE of what I thought I needed… Instead of Uncle Knit-Knots, he brought me an insecure woman’s worst nightmare: the three-time VH1 Male Model of the Year.

And if I wasn’t insecure BEFORE, any microscopic fragment of security that I had gets yanked right out from under me every time he devastates me with one look from those Brown Steel eyes…

I think the moral of this story is that God wants me to find my security in…God. Trust HIM. Know that who He is in me is enough. Be content and secure regardless of my circumstances.

And God brought along this guy just to help me learn that lesson.

The ripped abs are just a bonus.

Oh yeah baby. That’s mine.

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  1. TanyasTreasureTrove says

    April 15, 2011 at 4:55 am

    Hi! Following you from<br />Mom-Mondays! Hope you<br />visit me and return the<br />follow!:0)

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About Me


Hey there... I'm Melissa! Texas girl. Mom to three + one goldendoodle. Believer. Old house fanatic. Creating a happy + healthy home with purpose is my passion. I'm so glad you're here!

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I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 I don’t know who’s big idea it was to strip 80 years of paint off of this door down to the wood and start over… but that person has no business starting new projects. 😅 My neighbors must have thought this project would never end. *I* thought this project would never end. 😰 If you’re thinking of doing this yourself? Just don’t, ok? Throw the whole door away and buy a new one. 😂🤣 Just kidding.  Old house weirdos like me… we can’t just do things the easy way. Anyhoo… after some trial and error, @sherwinwilliams Celestial is what I landed on, and I have to say… I like it. Periwinkle-ish blue looks great with the yellow house and will look even better when the azaleas are in bloom. Was it all worth it? That’s not important right now. 🤭 Will I do this all again in two years? The magic eight ball says… without a doubt. 👏🏻 I’ve already picked the next color. #gluttonforpunishment #somefoolsneverlearn #oldhouselove #oldhomelove #makinghome #southernliving #gardenandgun #azaleadistrict #tylertx
Spring in the Azalea District makes the winters in Spring in the Azalea District makes the winters in an 80-year-old house completely worth it … what broken pipes, icy hardwood floors and drafty windows? 🤔 I forgot already. #comeonspring #azaleadistrict #tylertx
Happy Saturday ☀️ Happy Saturday ☀️
Salt Lake City is always magical ✨ Salt Lake City is always magical ✨
2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrollin 2022 had its highs and lows for sure, but scrolling through my pics from the last twelve months made me realize how blessed and content I am. Prosperity, love, and peace have been ours in abundance, in spite of the pain of losing my dad. The second picture is the last picture of him… the last time I saw him. 💔 But God has been good to my family this year and 2022 is ending far better than it began. 😄 #2022inreview #thanksforthememories
Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍ Who wants a Christmas tour of my home? 🙋🏼‍♀️
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That’s it. That’s the tour. (Slide two). 
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It’s a new trend I’m starting: bare Christmas tree. Lowe’s tag still attached (so quirky and unexpected)! Christmas ornaments still in boxes. Coming soon to an Anthropologie window display near you. 
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Every year I think, “next year I’ll do better. Next year I’ll have it together.” And then, here we are on the SIXTH Christmas that we’ve been in this house, the sixth Christmas I’ve dragged our chaotic bunch of Christmas mess out of a chaotic garage I still haven’t unpacked from our move six years ago. 
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Maybe this year is the year I’ll organize it all and put it back neatly so that by Christmas number 7, it will be smooth sailing. People will flock to my social media to see how I’ve pulled everything off SO PERFECTLY. Next year will be my year. 
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Seems every year there’s less and less bandwidth for all these things. There’s more grief and stress, less money. More demands, less grace. 
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I put this sign on the wall in my office so I could keep it in front of my eyes: Love. Joy. Peace. And all that. I am SO unlike Jesus most days. So lacking in all of these character qualities. And that’s WITH waking up most mornings and spending my first 30 minutes with God Himself. 
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How lost would I be without that? Geez. I can’t fathom. I REQUIRE being transformed by renewing my mind every single morning, and even then, responding to people and life with love, joy, peace and patience doesn’t come naturally. 
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It’s the goal, though. 
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This weary world needs that from us Believers during this season, more than ever… even more than an Anthropologie-window-display worthy Christmas home tour. 
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I’m working on both.
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