The Times I Didn’t Get Married

Let’s go ahead and address the elephant in the room.

Well, maybe it’s not an elephant to YOU, but if you read my last post, you know that I quit blogging for a few years because of fear and shame related to being divorced.

Twice. Ahem.

And that fear and shame was compounded because the whole {phony} second-marriage “love story” was played out so publicly across this blog and my social media as the whole world* clapped and cheered, so to have to backpedal and admit that I had been duped into that whole phony situation by somebody that literally every single one of my friends and family warned me about… well, it was just downright shameful. And embarrassing. And nauseating. *ok, so ‘whole world’ might be a slight exaggeration…

I told you in the last post that I was ready to talk, but only because God sent a metaphorical whale to swallow me until I obey and go to Nineveh. Nineveh being, telling my story on this blog. I’ve spent many months in the dark, nasty, stinky belly of the whale, and here I am, vomited out upon the beach. (Wow, that was some beautiful poetry, wasn’t it? I amaze myself).

So there’s more to come on ALL of those sordid topics, but first things first.

In order for me to have any sort of peace about how I made such horrific choices, and married two people I never even wanted to marry in the first place, and then lived through utter hell because of it, I have to feel like my story will help someone else. And I have to wonder if you all have questions, like HOW IN THE H. E. DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS COULD YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING SO STUPID AS TO MARRY TWO PEOPLE YOU DIDN’T WANT TO MARRY?

Trust me, I’ve asked myself that question a few times. Oh, and so have my parents, who paid for the first silk wedding dress and $1000 wedding photo album and whatnot, and who have been married for over 50 years because that’s what you DO. You get married, in ya silk wedding dress and pearls, and STAY MARRIED, IN MY FAMILY.

I’m the black sheep of the family. And, yes, I am aware.

Anyhoo, back to the question you’re all asking: how could I have been so stupid? Well, that’s a question I intend to answer over the span of a series of blog posts, because there are a whole lot of reeeeeeallllly stupid reasons to get married, including some stupid reasons that SEEM like good reasons, but not a lot of right reasons. Obvs I chose to get married for all the wrong reasons. But don’t worry; I’ll explain what those were in order to save you (and my daughters, Lord have mercy) from the same fate.

But for now, let’s move on to your second question: GEEZ. YOU’VE BEEN MARRIED AND DIVORCED TWICE. DO YA JUST MARRY ERRBODY WHO ASKS?!

And the answer to that is, no. No, I do not.

Let’s go back to college, and I’ll tell you about the ones I did NOT marry, and there were a few who WANTED to marry me. A couple of times, I almost got swept up into it and MARRIED THE GUY, and did NOT, thank God.

ONE time, there was a guy who wanted to marry me and I freaked out and broke it off with him, then spent the next 25 years wishing I had not done that, and I’ll tell you about that, too. I actually sort of did, here. No worries now, though. I am 100% at peace that that one didn’t work out.

But there was a guy I DID NOT want to marry, who I’ll call D. And another one named C. I made them both cry on my mama’s porch when I broke up with them. BUT I ACTUALLY CONSIDERED THAT THEY MIGHT BE ‘THE ONE,’ BECAUSE IT’S SUPER EASY TO GET SWEPT UP INTO AN EMOTIONAL SITUATION WHEN YOU’RE *IN* IT.

Somehow, SOMEHOW, I had the wisdom to say to both of those men, who desperately wanted to marry me, that I needed some time and space.

Just give me a month to think about it and pray about it, I said.

I took a month, didn’t communicate with them at all during that month, (which was easier in the days when cell phone minutes cost $1.50 each and nobody had ever heard of texting), and it turns out that this was THE WISEST THING I COULD HAVE DONE, because honestly, it didn’t even take me a month to know I do not want to marry either one of these people. Within a week, I think, in both cases, I realized with horror what I had almost fallen into, had zero desire to even see either one of them again, and thanked God for rescuing me from it, and went on with my life.

They didn’t take it so well.

Oh, well… I’m sure they’re fine now.

I swore to myself that IF I ever get in a serious relationship with anyone again, I WILL take a month apart to think about it and pray about it before I say yes.

A fast from each other, if you will. Fasting is so healthy in so many areas of our lives for so many reasons, but that’s the subject of another post.

Soooo guess what I did NOT do before I said ‘yes,’ the next time around.

I didn’t take a month to think about it and pray about it. I violated my own rule.

About twenty really, really wrong reasons to get married swept me up, and I did it.

I made covenant before God, that I realized through the entire wedding ceremony that I did not want to make. I woke up on my honeymoon wondering, what have I done. My stomach hurt. I will never forget that feeling.

I did that.

There is zero doubt in my mind that HAD I TAKEN A MONTH to pray and think about it, I never would have married either of those people.

So I plead with you, friends. Fast and pray before you say ‘yes,’ when the rest of your life is on the line, when a covenant before God is on the line, when your future childrens’ lives are on the line. If you only learn one thing from this here blog, let it be that.

You have no idea how much trauma and drama this one decision can inflict on your life, your parents’ lives, your kids’ lives, your friends and their kids and sometimes your little nieces and nephews who first found out what divorce is ~ BECAUSE OF YOU ~ and that sucks, man.

I don’t even know who H. Jackson Brown, Jr., is, but he said some wise words:

Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happiness or misery.

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Word.

Don’t marry the guy until you take a month to fast and pray.

That’s all.