I’d like to say that my youngest child is potty-trained.

I’d like to say that she’s potty trained long before her third birthday.

I’d like to say that its because I’m the potty-training master, and I possess all the skills required for training a child to go potty in the potty in a weekend, like Dr. Phil says you can.

I’d like to say I’m perfectly consistent, and daily consistently train my child to obey my commands to sit on the potty! And that she always consistently obeys. With a smile on her face.

But the truth is, I’m inconsistent, I have no idea how in the heck to go about training a child to use the potty, she does NOT want to cooperate or obey, and in fact its my hardest parenting challenge to date.

And furthermore, Dr. Phil LIES.

Like he ever really potty-trained a child in the first place. Right.

I don’t really believe in bribing my children to obey, and I think I’ve discovered that therein lies my problem.

I just haven’t really made it WORTH HER WHILE enough to do her bid’ness on the potty. And really, really inconvenient not to.

And I haven’t quite found the right key.

I’ve tried the Dr. Phil method.

I’ve put her in big-girl-undies and let her loose on my rug, and all that does for me is give me reasons to break out the Bissell every day.

I’ve offered her all her favorite things. I ask her if she wants it, she nods “YES!” all wide-eyed, knowing she usually doesn’t get offered such treats, and then I tell her, “Ok, you can have the _______ if you sit on the potty.”

Dr. Pepper? She LOVES Dr. Pepper. I offered her DP, and she said, “Well, actually, I don’t want Dr. Pepper.”

(It cracks me up when a two-year-old says “actually.”)

Skittles? No thanks. I’ve even been so mean as to show her a handful of Skittles, eat them right in front of her, moaning, “OHHHHHHHH, these Skittles are SO GOOD….I wish you could have some…..”

And she rolls her eyes.

M&M’s? Nope.

Cookies? Ice cream? Cake?

A shetland pony?

She couldn’t be any less interested.

Because she knows I’m trying to trick her into doing what *I* want her to do. And she’s just stubborn enough to deny herself sugar, of all things, to remain in control of when and where she potties.

Because that’s all it boils down to for her…..

CONTROL.

I have literally been potty-training for six months and I CANNOT BREAK HER!

OK, granted, not consistently. But whenever she’s home, she’s in big-girl britches. Every time! And we’ve had Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, and multiple long-weekends and it hasn’t taken hold.

But today, I think I finally found her breaking point.

Daddy’s chocolate-covered peanuts.

She spotted the bag and asked for them.

And with a gleam in my eye, I uttered the words I’ve uttered a thousand and seventy-two times…”If you sit on the potty you can have some……”

And I’ll be danged, I think I found her breaking point.

As we speak, daddy is at Brookshire’s buying more chocolate-covered peanuts.

You do what you have to do.