Have You REALLY Tried it All, Though
Counting fat grams.
Counting carbs.
Counting calories.
Starving myself.
Rice cakes.
Melba toast.
Protein shakes.
Slim Fast.
Sweet Success.
The Ten Day Detox Diet.
The California Cleanse.
The Lemonade Diet.
Fat free cheese that doesn’t even melt.
Smoothies that taste like compost.
Smoothies that taste like chalk.
The Grapefruit Diet.
The Cabbage Diet.
The 3-day Juice Cleanse.
The Vegetable Soup Diet.
The Master Cleanse.
Praying for a stomach virus.
1000 calories a day.
Egg whites.
Celery sticks.
Watching your family eat pancakes while you eat plain oatmeal.
$1500 on Metabolic Research.
$2000 on HCG shots.
$250-$500/month on “gut health” supplements for seven years.
Seven years building a “gut health supplement” team.
Considering getting a tapeworm..briefly.
Obsessing over nutrients.
Fasting.
The Bone Broth Diet.
Sugar Busters.
Trim Healthy Mama.
Counting points.
Weekly weigh-ins.
Weekly meetings.
Food journaling.
Food counseling.
Prepackaged meals.
Low-calorie microwave meals.
$155/month on CrossFit.
(Broke my foot doing box jumps).
Whole 30.
Keto.
Another $2500 round of Metabolic Research.
$120/month on OrangeTheory.
172,000,000 miles on a treadmill.
$1200 on Primal Bod.
NO DESSERT FOR YOU.
STILL getting texts from my ex husband in which he tells me how fat I am 15 years post-divorce.
