My Dad Won’t Let Me
I used to drive a Volvo XC90 that I really loved. It was one of two cars I’ve had in my life that was bought brand new. Not proud of it (lifetime member of the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace club, but I don’t like to brag; Dave and I buy our cars used. It is what it is).
Anyhoo, that Volvo was beautiful, safe, fun to drive, and I picked it out myself.
And then I filed for divorce.
Normally, when you get a divorce, you keep the car you’ve been driving. However, due to some very strenuous and surprising reasons revealed in the discovery process, yada yada yada I REFUSED to take the Volvo. (It’s a long story, but be careful who you blindly trust to manage your finances). It was better for me to walk away with no car at all than to take on ownership of what turned out to be someone else’s very foolish debt.
My attorney was concerned, because I couldn’t just NOT HAVE A CAR. What will you do?! You have to be able to get to work, she said.
Oh, my dad will help me. He won’t let me be without a car, I answered.
So completely sure.
Confident.
Never doubted for a minute that my dad would step up and help me.
And he did. He helped me get a car, and I paid him back every dollar as fast as I could.
This is what good dads do.
Bad dads take out a balloon note on a Volvo and then don’t make payments on it. Bad dads don’t concern themselves with whether you have a car to get your kids to school. Or whether the kids even go to school. Or eat. But I digress.
I thought of that as I’m awake at 3am, because worries woke me up and made me come downstairs to read my Bible as I do when I wake up at 3am, worried.
God reminded me of that time I needed a car, and believed and did not doubt that my dad would help me get a car.
Why do I not trust God in that same way? Why am I not believing, without a doubt, that the thing I’m awake and worrying about at 3am, that He will not provide for me?
When I needed a car back in 2009, I honestly don’t even remember having to ask my dad to help me, but I know that he didn’t hesitate. He just DID. We spent several days shopping for cars together (after my dad did all the research in Consumer Reports, of course), found one, and my dad bought it and added it to his insurance. My dad, my very good dad, did that for me.
So why am I distressed and nauseated at 3am when I have a Heavenly Father who protects and provides for me?
I like what The Message says:
Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?
Why is that so hard for me?
To lay my burdens at His feet.
The ones who lay their burdens down at the foot of the cross and give it to the Lord ease forward…with hope and trust. And, with the hand of Jesus Christ holding them all the way. The Lord hears their cries…but He hears all the cries of His children.
So these are my lessons in this phase of life:
- Worry about nothing.
- Pray about everything.
- Tell God what I need.
- Thank Him for all He has done.
And trust. If my earthly father was a good dad who provided, my Heavenly Father can be trusted even more.
Believe it and go back to sleep.
